Sunday, June 6, 2010

Thoughts of myself

I was in Walmart today and had an encounter with a really nice looking guy. Of course I smiled and he smiled back. We exchanged hellos and walked on.

This little episode got me to thinking. It was not negative thinking just reality.

People who have known me from the 438 point until now think I look amazing. They know the old girl and see this beautiful new girl who is on her way to a "hot body" but more importantly a healthy body.

I started thinking today about the new people I've met. I ask myself "Do they see a big girl?" Sadly the answer is yes. As far as I have come there is still a road ahead that I have to walk to get to the point of people seeing me as an average size person. I have tendency to want to tell people what I've lost and show them pictures.

I need to learn to stand on who I am now, where I am going, and not where I started. I'm going to be OK.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

What's Next?

Recently I was called to speak to a group of ladies during their lunch break. I was so excited to be able to have the opportunity to encourage a group to get started on their weight loss journey.

Looking at the faces of those ladies mirrored an image of myself. Not necessarily because they have as much weight as I had to lose but because they have all a battle to fight just like me.

I just plainly shared my story with them. The start. The now. The in between. The important people. Those who helped me. The exercise. The diet. I feel like I really said a bunch.

Talking to this group was an amazing task for me. I have been praying and hoping for an opportunity to share. God granted that. I cannot wait to find out what's next!

Monday, May 24, 2010


I gained 8 pounds in a few weeks. Not proud of it. Made me mad.

It's OK...because it's gone. Probably water.

Here's what I gotta do. STOP WEIGHING every stinking day.
I crave getting on the scales in the am and pm. I moved the scales to the exercise room. Didn't work. Moved them to the linen closet. Didn't work. Next step? Move the scales to my Mother's house. I don't go over there every day so it would work.

I just need to learn to stop focusing on the scales and focus on eating right and exercise!

Smelly nasty yucky

The last month has been difficult for me. I have many ups and downs and struggles!
Here's just a couple of things that I really battled with....
Patience. I have always been patient with children but not so much with adults. I am working on it. I want things right now, don't me wait for long. If you have been around me very long, you will hear me say "_____ is on my last nerve." So often this is true. I have heard a lot of people say don't pray for patience because you will get the opportunity to learn them. I have to learn to wait. Waiting is never fun.

Focus. Really my focus has been off. I cannot stay focused on anything for very long. I told a colleague recently I just don't listen. I don't. People can talk to me and I have no idea what they said. I'm certainly not trying to be mean. I just don't listen because I am focused on something or someone else. It hurts feelings. I've always been a pretty good listener. I know what the problem is.....I have to focus on other people and not myself.

Attitude . I want to quit. Quit what? Everything. I felt like I good throw up my hands and say loudly! I QUIT! I don't care what you say but I just quit. This has off and on been my attitude. It was a really smell bad attitude that came across in certain relationships, responsibilities, and my diet. It was like I was tired of trying! I don't care if you are my friend, I don't care if it gets done, and I'm tired of eating right. I had a really sorry attitude.

To be completely honest with myself and my readers, I hate to admit any of these things. I want to be strong, pull through and be happy. In fact, I've been thinking about a quote I found on thinkexist. "I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles when her heart is broken, and the one that could brighten up your day even when she couldn't brighten up her own." I've read that over and over and the more I think about it...I don't want to be that girl. I don't want to fake it. I want to be open about having a bad day and move on. I want brighten people with my smile but I also want people to know that life is not always a mountain top experience. Oh I have joy but I also have some days when I have silly thoughts almost crazy thoughts that bring me down. And I have to believe that I am not the only person that has days like that.

Trying to close this post was difficult. The best way for me to close is with my new favorite song....Sanctus Real...Change Me. It ended up on my MP3 player by divine appointment. Now I listen to it over and over. Here are the words:

And did my words change your mind
with what I said last night?
And did I break your heart by straying so far?
For what you had in mind for my life?
Won't you change me from who I've been lately
Cause I know I'm nothing without you!

Here's my favorite part!
So would you speak to me and show me what I need
Is it patience? Kindness? All that is in between?
Loving others the way you love me?
Won't you change me from who I've been lately
Cause I know I'm nothing without you!

Going to be quiet and listen for Him to speak to me in what I need.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Goodbye to the old hello to the new!

Yesterday I had to say goodbye to an old friend. Yes there were a few tears. We've been friends for a long time but yesterday I decided to let her go. I actually buried her. Our friendship just wasn't the best the for me. She caused me pain and heartache. She made me cry often.

Goodbye old friend.....Now I'm moving on. THe new girl is happier, more upbeat, and confident. I'm never going back to the old!

Bob and La

My friend MIchelle likes to take pictures of me when I am not looking. Why? Stalker! Kidding. Is she a nut?. Nah. It's actually to show my weight loss off. She wants me to see the success. Where I am not where I use to be.

To set up this story....after Fit Camp last week I needed some one on one training with my favorite trainer...Bob. For some reason I cannot get those arm Bob had to help. By the way, I still aint got it. Sorry Bob...I haven't practiced in the mirror...I'll get it soon!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Testimony becoming a ministry

My purpose for more than two years has been to lose weight; to become a better me. I struggled through some thoughts recently about how weight loss has become every part of my life. It has consumed me.

I'm finally at a place that it is okay. Why? Because my mind has changed.

Several weeks ago I started praying and thinking. My friend Michelle seems to think that I should quit thinking and have fun because when I do I certainly can over think! I do agree with her.

Today I was reading me Bible when I came across a Bible study and a verse about thinking in the flesh and not discerning what the Holy Spirit has for you through prayer and scripture.

Romans 8:5-6 says Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what the nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.

More often times than not I think selfishly. We must daily chose to consciously center our thoughts on Him.

Lately I've been trying to discern what God has for me through my journey of weight loss and change. I need to stop thinking about how overwhelming it is, how it has changed me, and begin to think about how HE can use it to bring Him glory!

I have been praying that He would use my testimony of weight loss to become a ministry. I have really tried to give credit to Him more now than ever. I realize that so often I would say thank you to people and give credit to my family, my friends, my trainer, myself. But I cannot continue to do that. It's all about Him. There has been times in the past that I have given Him the honor He deserves to bring me to the place I am now but not often enough.

God has been in this all along and used some amazing people to help me through this.
Let me describe some ways.

He sent precious young ladies to help me understand that it was time to begin. He has continued to have those young ladies in my life to love on me, tell me I am beautiful, and reassure me that I am all that!
He used me Mother to continue to pray for me even when I wasn't ready so many times before.
He used my best friend to encourage me to go to the meetings when it would have been easier to just not go.
He used my friend to keep walking even though I was tired!
He used another friend by sending cards every time I reached a goal or when I didn't.
He gave me a friend to cry on their shoulder when I was having a rough time.
He sent me co-workers who encouraged me every day to keep winning the battles.
He gave me the best Wednesday night workout partner ever...Shauna!
He placed me with a church family that loves me more than I will ever realize.
He sent a sweet man who told me that he was worried about me. He never said a word until after I started losing weight but it came at just the right time.
He placed a Weight Watcher leader in my life that saw it in me that I conquer the war!
He gave me a walking buddy with kids and a dog.
He sent me a sweet new friend Meredith; who is just precious.
He sent people to the track that I would have never met any where else.
He sent Stephen to help me get started again and to be my friend and my trainer that encourages me.
He gave me more extended family than I know what to do with.
He gave me AJ and Zack to make me laugh and keep my chin up!
He sent people my way to speak to me in the middle of stores. Seriously people I don't really know that somehow know me.
He sent me emails and FB comments to cheer up me and refresh my spirit.

These are only a few of the ways that He has been in the midst of this. Some of these people have been in my life since the beginning, some from the middle, some are gone now, while others are brand new. But I know without a doubt that one has not been more important than the other and God orchestrated it all.

I even realize that there are probably some ways I will never even realize but I would never want to overlook.

My friend recently sent me text that said this....
Knowing purpose, and a growing passion in life for that purpose is what makes life all that it is meant to be.

Is my purpose to share about my weight loss? I don't know that. But I do know that whatever my purpose is I want it to bring honor and glory to Him that created me, loved me enough to send His Son, and continues to cheer me on from His throne. So can use my weight loss to bring all that about...without a doubt I believe that. I cannot wait to see who He sends my way and how He uses me.

New pictures

Easter 2009 Easter 2010

Saturday, April 3, 2010

HMMM Who are you?

One day after school this week, I went to the track. Because I left so quickly from school, people were still picking up students from the high school. I saw my aunts car so I decided to walk over and talk to her and my cousin. As I was walking up, a lady that I taught her daughter(and have known for a while) was walking towards me. She was about 2 car lengths from me. I raised my hand and kinda waved. She ignored me. We got a little closer and I raised my hand and said hey girl. Nothing. I thought what's her problem what did I do! My next thought was maybe she couldn't tell who I was because I had sun glasses on. I flipped them up. Still nothing...she was looking right at me. Finally when we were only a feet from each other she broke out in a smile. She said on my Lord I did not know who you were. . She couldn't believe how I had changed. It has only been about 6 or 7 months since I had seen her.
To be honest! I was really tickled that she didn't know me! All i can say is YES!

Friday, April 2, 2010

Fat Days...Skinny Moments

Some people may not understand fat days and skinny moments. I don't think this is a weight loss thing. Let me help you understand!

Sometimes I have fat days. Those are days when I still see myself as the old person. I see myself as the largest girl in the room. I see where I use to be and not where I am and where I am going. These are hard days to get through but I usually combat them with pep talks and exercise!

Then sometimes I have skinny moments. Those are the days when I see the weight I've lost. I had a skinny moment the other day when I was walking in the Galleria with the girls during our weekend in Texas. I was looking at clothes and I realized that they don't look so small anymore. Some of the clothes are doable for me! It's a possibility that I can find something besides the big girl store.

The other skinny moment I had was tonight. It's funny because I usually have the skinny moments when I see pictures of myself. I was taking pictures with my girls and saw myself. My face looks skinny. My face was stinkin thin. I was so excited that I could not stop looking!

My sweet 15 year old cousin encourages skinny moments when she hugs me and says.....every time....I can get my arms around you and squeezes my harder! I love that.

I hope one day that I have less fat days and more skinny moments....oh wait I want skinny days and fat moments!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Whats all this about!?

This journey started off as a challenge without my heart being into it. But it has developed into a lifestyle that has changed me forever.

Life is so unexpected. I'm not really sure that two years and three months ago I really believed that I would be 162 pounds smaller and would be so healthy. Oh yeah I have 101 pounds to go but I know that i am going to get to that goal I set back 2 years and 3 months ago.

Here's a few things that run in my silly mind probably 10,000 times a I crazy?
1. I've lost a person plus!
2. I use to weigh over 400 pounds...never going back to there!
3. I have a personal trainer. Who by the way is simply fantastic. Thank you Bob!
4. I have red hair...which makes people think I'm sassy...I am..but was before.....just more now! Thank you Sister in law!
5. I can now wear an XL and use to pray that I could find an 3XL to fit good...sometimes 4XL.
6. I use to wear 34/36 in pants/shirts and now its more like 18/20 shirts and 22/24 pants...that will change soon.
7. I feel better than I ever have.
8. I have lost physically but I've grown emotionally!
9. I can see my goal in sight.....I'm almost to the point where I don't have to lose triple figures anymore.
10. I feel great and I'm so happy.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

A few thoughts about change!

A few changes.......

I'm dancing again at the Old Timers Game...I looked back at the video from 2009 and boy have I changed! I actually look forward to replacing the old video!

Oh yeah! I am excited about Fit Camp...six months ago I probably would not have even thought of joining a boot camp. Definitely would not have done it 2 years ago! More changes!


Today is an impatient day.
I am ready to be at goal. Sometimes I get frustrated because it seems that it is taking so long for me to get there. Where is there? My mind has been set on 175 pounds for more than 2 years.

I know that I was not the average person who needed to lose that extra 10 or 20 or even 50. I was an unhealthy on the way to the grave morbidly obese 33 year old.

I'm struggling with patience on this particular day!

I'm making a list of things I don't have to worry about anymore and things I can do now...
1. I will not worry about if the chair will hold me anymore.
2. I will not worry about fitting into a booth anymore.
3. I will not worry about only shopping in big girl stores anymore.
4. I will not be what everyone expects me to be but what God expects of me anymore!
5. I can do the exercises that Bob ask me to crunches and jumping ain't easy but I can do it!
6. I can make a difference in the lives of other people.
7. I can make it without cake

What God does God want me to do?
Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD,

Now what will HE do...
And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD,Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,And your justice as the noonday.
Psalm 37:3-6

Thursday, March 18, 2010

First picture is from October 2009 at my friend(sister) Abbie's Wedding. This dress caused me lots of tears! I started strict back on the diet, exercising more, and workouts with Stephen. Now just 5 short months later....I am almost 59 pounds smaller! November 1st thru March 18! Not even 5 full months! Oh my overwhelming!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

UGH! UGH I say again!

UGH! Tonight was really bad for me. Ugh I say it again.

It was workout Wednesday and I love work out Wednesdays! But tonight I left frustrated with myself. I started off strong then fell to weakness!

I didn't do so good mainly because I started feeling sickly. Nausea! The sicker I felt the harder it was to workout. I had to stop several times Made me so upset with myself. I began feeling the disappointment creep in during the workout. I hate not finishing and feeling like I did not do enough.

The thoughts of failure in myself then turns into this look on Bob's face. It's like he thinking I know that you can do it so do it to it! He's probably not but that's what I being to think! I see it as being weak. Ugh I hate that feeling of not doing good. Side note: I know Bob is not disappointed in me...that's my imagination....he's proud of me no doubt.

So what am I going to do about it? Tomorrow is a new day. Someone told me we all have off days. I am throwing this one up to a off day and start again tomorrow.

Monday, March 15, 2010


I really been feeling the need to post something but nothing is really going on. I guess this is a good thing.

Something that has happened in the last few weeks is that I have now lost 157.4 pounds...105.6 pounds to my goal.

For the last 3 weeks I have been walking at the track. No set times or with anybody. I just go whenever. I've made plans with a Shauna and Alyssa to walk but just show up most of the time.

It's been interesting to meet people at the track. I have ran into Jamie more than more time and walked with her. This weekend we were walking and met a young lady out too. Jamie was like we need to talk to her.

When I first saw her, before I even talked to her, I saw where I was. She looked like she was struggling with every step. It was slow and steady but a struggle. I wanted to approach her but remembered a time when I was probably unapproachable myself. To be honest...not in a mean way...but I wanted to run to her and run around her and do nothing but cry out encouragements. I am not a freak! I just wanted to encourage her to go and to do it to it!

Jamie initiated the conversation. She told us a little about herself. She told us that she has decided to start walking again. I think maybe that this was her second day and she was walking a mile. Wow. It took me back to a time when I first started and how I was good to walk a few laps around the gym at church hurting the whole time, begging Abbie and Diana to tell me how many we had left.

As we left, we got her number, hoping that I would run into again to be an encourager to her.

Today...again I don't plan out times...I just go. I was walking at the track and suddenly I heard a load WHHHOOOOAA! I turned to look and she was waving and hollering to get my attention. I was on my last 3 and 1/2 laps(3 miles I might add!) I was on the opposite side of the track where she was started but I decided that I could pick up my pace and make it to where she was. Her pace plus my pace made it where I caught up with her on my last two laps. We talked the whole two laps. She asked me about what I do. She talked about the some of the struggles she faces being overweight. It was amazing that some of the things that she still faces I once faced. It makes me a little teary to think that I have come thru so much and will not have to worry about those things again!

My prayer has been that through my journey of getting healthy that I could encourage other people. To have an affect on some one's life. My new walking friend...she has encouraged me. I am enouraged to know that God will use me to share what He has done for me through all this. God is good all the time God is good!

Saturday, March 6, 2010


I was told today by someone that someone told them..... I wasn't a big girl anymore.
March 4, 2010


Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

If you never did, you should. These things are fun and fun is good!

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.

Dr. Seuss

Sunday, February 28, 2010

My favorite middle Gilbert

I should have posted this Monday but it just it me today.

Monday Diana and I went to see my Weston girls play basketball. The school offered to cook hamburgers and fries with a drink(at a good price) for us because of the long way home. We decided to do it so we could visit with our people and get home quicker.

The menu was not very Weight Watcher friendly. I made the choice to get no cheese on fries or burger. But that's not the good part!

I sat down with some of my kids(they are special too me!) with my food. I made the statement about eating the fries. My favorite middle Gilbert stepped right up to the plate! He told me that I didn't need the fries and that I should not eat them. This did not bother made my heart swell! When I looked up at him, he said I'm telling you this because you wanted us to help you and encourage you.

He cannot imagine how much he helped me and made me smile. I am so glad to have people in my life like my Kyle. They keep me going!

Saturday, February 27, 2010


So this post goes with the previous post....another encounter!
This morning I went to the track to walk. I went with my MP3 player and myself intending to walk by myself but God had a different intention!

I was on my second lap when a lady came up beside took off her headphones and started to talking. I listened as she told me all herslef and her family. We talked about our health and our exercise routines. I talked about my church. The conversation went like old friends visiting.

God has a way of putting us in the right place at the right time!

Who do you encounter?

Friday morning....or should I start with Thursday night....
I went to bed late again. I try to go to bed early but then I end up staying up too late. Then Friday morning I didn't want to get up for early morning duty! I was not in the best mood when I left the house but thinking about that is was Friday...i perked up.

Then I arrived at work! Sometimes I arrive at work in a good humor..good mood....then the stress of the day hits and my mood changes. Surely somebody knows what I am talking about and this is not just me! It really doesn't matter what your job is can happen!

So my patience were thin, my stress level was up, and we were out of our normal routine! Everything and everybody seemed to get on my nerve ....the last one!

We finally got the day started and things began to change. I was around some new little people.. There bright smiles and excitement began to change my mood. We sang and talked it was fun. By the time we arrived at our destination, I was in a better mood!

On our trip, I encounted more new people. Then something Bro. Randy(my pastor) talked about a few Sundays ago popped up in my mind. He has been preaching about witnessing. He challenged us to watch for opportunites. That person at the gas pump. The person in the line. Remembering all this got me to thinking. There would be people I would encounter this day..February 25 that I had never encounted before and probably would never again. It changed my day.

We toured a building and rode a bus. A lady in the building was impressed with our group. Another lady questioned what we did. I talked to the bus driver and listened to his story. Then the operations manager shared her story with me. Then yet another lady got on the bus and we talked. Then the next place we stopped I visited with the man who worked there. I didn't share much with them but a smile, an ear, and a friendly chat. But I believe that my warmth...God's Holy Spirit.....impressed on them.

Another thing that changed my day was my little people. Some of them probably have never experienced the fun we did yesterday. I watched as their faces lit up as they were playing. I was part of that! Sometimes my job is hard, sometimes I wonder why I do what I do, sometimes I get tired but then I have days like this and I know the answers to all those questions.

So my day went from grouchy...ugh...I wish the day was a smile.....a lesson learned....and a wonderful day!

Thursday, February 25, 2010


I read this story today and it touched me. I am sharing it with all of you.
Credit goes to an article from ----the excerpt is from Gary Chapman's book Five Love Languages Singles Edition

The Man with the Metal Halo
I first met Rob on one of my trips to the Grand Canyon (one of nature's most beautiful portraits). n the south rim of the canyon, somewhere near the Bright angel Trail, I spotted Rob and two older adults. He wasn't hard to spot, because he was wearing a back brace with a metal halo that circled his head. I gave him a friendly nod and a smile, my way of saying hello.
Rob responded, "Hello, I hope you're having a good morning." His inviting smile beckoned me into conversation. I discovered that he had suffered spinal injuries in a hiking accident. The older couple were his mom and dad. The three had planned a family trip to the Grand Canyon two years earlier. The first year money was a problem, so they postponed their dream. Then Rob had his accident and they couldn't leave home. Now that Rob was doing somewhat better, they had come to see the canyon. When the family originally planned the trip, they intended to hike to the foot of the canyon. Their dream had been altered but not destroyed. So they planned to spend the week enjoying the sights of the canyon.

Rob wheeled his chair into position for a great view of the trail and canyon, and he and his parents were soaking in the fabulous view. I commended them for not giving up on their dream and wished them well.

My son and I continued our week together exploring the canyon. Toward the end of the week I ran into Rob in the lobby of the Bright Angel Lodge. Because of our earlier encounter, it seemed I was seeing an old friend. We ended up talking for two hours. Rob shared his story about the fall that resulted in his injuries and the determined efforts of the rescue workers who flew him out by helicopter. He told me about the pain and the emotional struggle of those early days when he wasn't sure he would ever be able to walk again. He had a number of brushes with depression, had lost a new job opportunity, and spent many weeks in physical therapy.

When I asked what had enabled him to come through that experience and still have such a vibrant spirit, his answer was simple. "Love," he said. "That's the only way I could have made it. Mom and dad were with me through the whole thing, and I had a girlfriend . . . not a romantic relationship, but a close friend who came to see me every day in those early weeks. I don't think I would have made it without her. She brought me hope. She encouraged me in my therapy, and she prayed with me. I had never had a girl pray with me before. There was something about the way she talked to god that gave me hope. Her words were like rain on my parched emotions.

"We're still good friends. Her love and the love of my folks brought me through."

Then Rob added, "I hope someday I can help someone else the way they have helped me."

That last statement is what I what my life to echo...I hope someday I can help someone else the way cloud of friends and family....have helped me.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Oh me Oh my!

So here it is...... as of Sunday, February 21, 2010 I have lost 151.3 pounds!
It feels good to reach that goal.

I had the realization today that I am less than 50 pounds to 200 pounds lost.
Oh me oh my! This is really happening.

My next goal is 12 pounds. When that happens that means I have less than a 100 pounds to go. Oh me oh my again. This is really going to happen!


I was given an award today for my blog....Thanks Melissa!

So in return I am going to answer the same 10 Best things....
1. Best Ever Meal. I absolutely love my mom's deer steak smothered in gravy with rice.

2. Best Ever Sleep. The best ever sleep I can's always the night on the way home from Sioux Falls when we stay at the hotel after sleeping on air mattresses for a week. Best ever!

3. Best cup of coffee...honestly...don't like it.

4. Best Romantic Moment....ugh...I cannot admit it or at least I'm not ready too! ;)

5. Best childhood memory moment....I can remember every fall my mom would get out and rake leaves and we were "forced to help!" It was our job to move the leaves on a sheet from the piles she raked to the ditch. When we finished, we could jump into the huge pile. I still think of it when I smell leaves burning!

6. Best moment of your of right now...stepping on the scales when I had lost 100 pounds.

7. Best moment of revenge....I think it will come at my 20 year reunion when I get the award for most changed and the girls who were always little will not be their high school weight. That is terrible. (side note....everyone was always good to me in high school.)

8. Best thing someone has done for me......recently....someone told me I was beautiful. It made my day.

9. Best thing you have done for someone else....I would say that Secret Santa for my friend Chas is one of the best things. It was so fun to sneak around!

10. Best life changing moment...I'm still in the process of it now!
I wish I could nominate someone else but I don't read too many other blogs!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Oh, give thanks to the LORD!!!

I just have more thing to post today.....I am so grateful and thankful, and spoiled by the wonderful caring fabulous fantastic friends and family that I have been blessed with! They love me and support me beyond any boundaries! I love being spoiled!

Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.1Chronicles 16:34

We are bound to thank God always for you, brethren, as it is fitting, because your faith grows exceedingly, and the love of every one of you all abounds toward each other. 2Thessalonians 1:3


I've had a lot of questions lately about what is going on with me. What is going on with seem so happy? You have a glow? Do you have a man? Why are you smiling all the time? Your eyes light up? Who are you?

I'm happy. I'm happy with me. I'm happy with my success. I'm just happy. I'm truly happy. I've got joy and happiness.

I think it use to be that I put on a happy face because it pleased everyone. Now my happy face is for real! I know that I will have ups and downs in life but at this moment I am good.

There are still more changes to come I know that but God is in control and I cannot wait to see what He has in store for me!
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. – Philippians 4:6

Monday, February 15, 2010

Before and after

I've been staring at these pictures. It is so strange to look at them side by side. I am really seeing the change. Someone said this week that "I glow!" Heck yeah I glow...I've lost a person!

As I was typing this someone commented again on my FB about my glow! I told her that I love life and I am happy! I think I'll keep glowing!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

My great life!

My sweet girls!

My Rachel!

There's been more pictures than post lately! I guess life has been quiet lately.

The weather in Louisiana has been very unusual! The snow was beautiful.

I was not wanting the snow to come until later Thursday because the girls and I had plans. First the Quitman game then to see our B.Randy. Well....Go Lady Wolves! The other canceled. But it was OK because we ended up coming to my house and snuggling in for good girl talk. We woke up Friday morning ready to play in the snow.

We had so much fun. We played like we were little kids! We don't get snow much. We even took some really good pictures.

Later my Rachel and I were looking over them when I made the comment how skinny I looked. She responded that I just looked like one of them. They are all really skinny! Of course she was across the room. She probably does not know how kind that statement was. I have come so far to be able to hear that comment. I am still not an average size but to hear her say that warmed my heart. One of these days I am going to be an average normal size. Not the biggest girl in the place. For so long that was me. I love my Rachel.

Side note:
My friend and my trainer...My Bob.

Monday, February 8, 2010

A process!

My friend Philip from Sioux Falls who recently moved to Texas.
I think these pictures put things in perspective in how I have changed.
The first year
Year 2...not the best but see the change...60 pounds lost.

Year 3....110pounds lost...Summer 09

December 09....130 pounds lost

God blessed me with little brothers!

My two favorite little brothers! I love them too much!

Am I beautiful?

Am I beautiful? Don't answer because that's a rhetorical question.

I think I have blogged about this subject already. But here it goes again. I guess I am hung up on my outside appearance this days. I am adjusting to how I look.

I saw a guy in Walmart Sunday. He was nice looking guy. I got in line behind him. The way he looked at me just got me to thinking. I might be wrong (doubt it) but what I think he saw was an overweight girl. What I wanted him to see is a lady who has changed. I wanted him to see a lady who had been through a great deal to get to where I am now. I wanted him to see a new person who is working hard to be an average size. I wanted him to see a lady with a heart for people. I wanted him to see a lady who loves to laugh. I wanted him to see me just me not my weight.

The sad thing to me that as much as I want others to see me not my weight I am guilty of the same thing. We were having the discussion at work today about prearranged marriages. (We have good conversations at work.) After the girls named a few people, I realized how guilty I am of doing the very thing that is my pet peeve. I look at people by appearance first. In reality, you do meet most people by appearance first but how often do we shut people off because of what they look like, what they are wearing, their race, their size, their hair. I am guilty. How can I expect other to treat me fairly when at times I don't do the same.

How do we change it? I don't know how you change but I can change me. My favorite verse is what I need to hold dear to me.

1 Samuel 16?7 Do not consider his appearance or his height for I have rejected him. The Lord doest not look at the things that man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart!

I think Brandon Heath's song puts it the best way!
Give me your eyes for just one second!

Give me your eyes so I can see!

Everything that I keep missing!

Give me your love for humanity!

Give me your arms for the broken hearted!

The ones that are far beyond our reach!

Give me the heart for ones forgotten!

Give me your eyes so I can see!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

438, 400, 375, 350, .......290....250....210....190...175

Someone made the statement that they couldn't believe that I would Facebook or say how much I weighed when I started. 438. That's right. You should see the looks on faces when I tell that. It's unbelief usually. I don't mind. I know I was a big girl. I don't know how I carried that weight. I can talk about how much I weighed because I don't ever want to be that size again. I don't want to gain a pound back. I did gain about 10 pounds back and I didn't like it. I want to lose it and keep it off.
So I weighed 438...I will not weigh that again. My current weight is around 290. Yeah for me. I don't mind saying what it is now because I am getting smaller and I do not want to be that weight again either. 175 here I come!

A few pictures from 2009

My silly girls!

Sweet B.Randy!

My brothers!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Who am I?

Lately I have been feeling very overwhelmed. I even debated posting this because I don't even know that it makes any sense to anyone but me.

Things have changed for me. Definitely physically. I look at pictures and wonder who that girl was and how did I get that way. So many people say I don't remember you that way. That was me. Its funny to think that I have changed so much physically but have I changed in other ways too?

My thoughts on food and exercising have definitely taken a turn for the better. I don't look at food for comfort or happiness any more. I think before I put it into my body. I plan what I am going to eat daily sometimes more into the future than that. I am addicted to exercise. I know every Wednesday is my hard workout day and look forward to it. I get up in the morning thinking about what exercise I will do that day. Food and exercise are my life.

I cannot go a day without someone asking me about my weight loss or what I am doing. Give them motivation. Give them tips. Tell them what to do to get it done. This doesn't mean I want anyone to quit asking or motivating me!

My life has become obsessed and consumed with it all. It overwhelms me. Am I me or am I the weight loss? It's nothing no one else has done. I have made it this way.

I am proud of the accomplishments. I am excited to continue on my journey. I guess what I am dealing with is how to be me who I have always been but yet change at the same time and not be totally consumed with it. Am I different? Will I always need to be consumed with it to reach the goal and then maintain it? What will I be like when I reach goal? I have so many questions!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Realize that I have a preschool mind! While getting ready for work the other day, I started thinking. This is what came up!
The ABC's of weight loss!
A....ask for help! Your family and friends will encourage you, prayer for you, and just be there! Just ask. prepared! Never wait until you are so hungry you will eat anything. Think ahead!
C...check calories. Some foods have more calories than you think.
D...drink water. Enough said!
E...everything. Don't deprive yourself. You can each anything but within limits.
F...feelings. Don't eat because of your feelings...sad, happy, mad, celebrating! Think before you eat.
G...get up and exercise! It will make you feel better!
H...holidays are only one day not months and weeks.
I...invent new recipes that fit your taste.
J...journey not a diet. It is not a diet!
K...keep going! You will make it! yourself! You are who you because God created you but you are His temple. His temple should be the best that He designed it to be.
M...move more! Turn it off and get up. excuses any more! Now is the time! day at a time! Get through today and tomorrow will take care of its self!
P...prayer. God will help you make it through. Rely on Him!
Q...quit waiting for Monday, the first of the month, or year, or after this or ...... just do it.
R....rough! It may get rough but keep looking at your goal!
S....stick to it and you will see success. Don't give up!
T...take time for yourself. If you are selfish in getting healthy, your family will have you around longer.
U...unhealthy...gone are the days of being unhealthy!
V...victory is sweet. Reaching goals is fabulous!
W...weigh once a week. Don't weigh every day! Those scales are crazy!
X...x-cited! OK not a x but! Get excited about getting healthy! can do it! Remind yourself of that everyday!
Z....zealous attitude. This just means go at it with enthusiasm! Don't think about what you cannot have think nut about what you can and how you are going to succeed!

Friday, January 22, 2010


"You look so good since you had surgery." That's the statement I heard last week from someone. It was offensive to me. Why? Because I didn't! I have worked really hard to lose the weight I have lost and it was not from surgery.

I am so proud that I didn't have surgery when I had to opportunity. I am glad that for me I have taken the road less traveled. I probably would have lost my weight quicker but I think I have changed more by not having surgery. I am not belittling anyone for having it. I did what was best for me.

So if anyone ask you, NO I didn't have surgery. For me it's been all about eating right, exercise, water, and prayer!


I haven't written anything for a month. I guess I haven't had much to say. Nah I have always have something to say.

Over the last two years I have done lots of exercises. Walking inside and outside, stationary bike, my blue bike, walking video, Curves, and personal training. I was walking with Darla and Shauna this week and Darla reminded me of what it was like when I first started exercising. It was so hard! I could barely walk 4 or 5 laps around our church gym before needing to sit down. There were many people there to lie to me. They would lie and say "I don't know how many we've walked. Come on we have a few more." They lied for my best interest. Ok It wasn't lying.

Not only have I had many different exercises but I've had many people be there while exercising. Diana, Tina Lee, Susie, Pennie, Abbie, the girls, Candi, Needra, Kerri, Michelle, Melissa, Shauna, Chastity, Suzonne, Mother, Darla, Peggy H. and Stephen! OH MY GOODNESS I hope I didn't forget anyone. I've had some people to walk with me down the journey!

What has been going on the last few weeks? Workouts! Love Workout Wednesdays! Each Wednesday, four of us stay after church and work out with Stephen. Stephen is our Bob and Jillian. Of course he is much nicer. This doesn't mean he doesn't push us. He does. The only thing I dread is the soreness that usually comes two days later! This week I was sore the morning after.

It's funny how I went from dreading the exercising to craving it. I know I've lost my mind! I try to do some kind of exercise between 5 and 6 days a week. It makes me feel good and it makes me get to my goal faster.

The only thing I have left to say is this...take it a day at a time and get up and move! IT WILL MAKE LIFE BETTER!