Friday, December 25, 2009

The short list

I have been wanting to write but my computer is messed up. So my sister in law has let me borrow hers!

The list! I have been making a mental note about things I want to do or not do when I reach goal.

1. No more shopping at big girl only stores. Actually this is beginning to happen. This week I went into Stage and founds some shirts! For some of you this is not a big thing but for a girl who has had to shop at big girl only stores...IT'S A BIG DEAL.
2. Six Flags....I am going and going to ride every ride that I can - twice. I remember going once and having to ride in the seat by myself and it was so humiliating! No more of that! Don't forget SUSIE that you are going with me!
3. Hot air balloon ride... don't ask why this is on the list. I really don't know.
4. I'm going to run not walk in a 5k...hey I might even go for a marathon!
5. No more worries about chairs with arms.
6. I'm going on the road as a motivational speaker...I'm going to tell about Jesus first. Then I am going to share how about my weight loss journey and tell about all the people who prayed, supported, and helped me!

That's all for right now. I have more on the list but right now that's it!

It's going to happen.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


People should think before they speak.

Today I was told that I was so much prettier now. While I realize this statement has truth in it, it had the potential to be very hurtful.

Here's my opinion/attitude. I know that my beauty does not come from the outside. I know that I am not going to the casting call for America's Next Top Model. Whether I am over 400 pounds or 150 pounds, my beauty is on the inside. My beauty is not set by weight. It is set by the characteristics that God blessed me with to make people feel special and know that they are loved.

So today when this lady commented on my beauty ... it was like water off a duck's back. Her voiced opinion, even though she thought she was throwing a compliment, did not really mean anything. But if I had to tell her anything...think before you speak.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The stairs vs the elevator! Who won?

We left for the Louisiana Baptist Convention's Youth Evangelism Conference on Sunday. Feeling strong, I was ready to tackle being gone and out of my routine. I loaded my snacks into my bag and set my mind that I would good. What I didn't know is that I would be challenged to decide....stairs or elevator?

Day 1....getting on the elevator to head the 4th floor..yeah the 4th floor!!!.....with my luggage...anyone who knows me knows I don't pack light! There I was waiting on the elevator when I heard a Bob (Biggest Loser) voice..."you gonna take that elevator?" Was it a question or a challenge? It was a challenge....I responded with "NO I'm taking the stairs!" Reminder....4th floor heavy bag!

I won the challenge! I made it up the stairs with my bag and my pride! Thinking back to the old me...I might have made it to the second floor without giving up and taking the elevator. There was a voice in my head saying ...go go go ands some of my guys and girls surrounding me supporting me to do it. I beat the stairs!

That's not the only challenge I won! My girls made a pack with me that they would take the stairs with me every time. Not all of them went with me every time but I had at least one of them with me while taking the stairs each and every time I went up and down.

We were there 3 days...Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.... Monday night was loooong day and I was so tired! I hit the hotel and my thoughts started racing. STAIRS OR ELEVATOR? The day had been long, my feet hurt with my cute shoes but I would not be let down by my actions. So when Cierra, Diana, and I came in...we hit the stairs with our purses, bags, and tired feet!

NO elevator! I took the stairs all three days. I didn't do it for my girls or for my trainer! I did it for me because it is one of the battles that I have to win so that I can win the war!

Where am I now?

It has been too long since I posted. To be honest with everyone August, September, and October brought nothing to post about. I struggled bad through those three months. In reality I probably gained 8 to 10 pounds through those few months.

I wish that I knew where my mind was when making the decisions I was made. It certainly was not on weight loss. It was more about the taste of the food and the excuses I had not to exercise. I made some really stupid choices. Choices to do what felt good and not what was best for me and my health. NO I did not go back to all of the habits that I had when I started but I saw myself adding back in bad habits. It was a struggle!

So where am I today late in November?
I am back on track!

At the beginning of November...something happened. I got up one Sunday morning and decided that I was going to eat right that day, do good, and start over the next day. And that is what I did...I ate right one day, then the next, then the next. I put out a plea with all my friends and family who have supported me since day 1 and they responded with prayer and encouragement.

That same Sunday...a friend stated we would start back walking ....and we did. Walking every day. She reminded me every day we would walk. It took a couple of days and we were back into the swing of things walking and talking a mile. The two of us have even ran a couple of the laps each time we walk...we laugh wondering if those couple of running laps really matter! She encourages me.

Then another friend has become my personal trainer and encourager. We have only trained a few times but just knowing that I have to answer the question "How'd you do this week?" helps me make good choices each day. He is added to my list to take to Oprah.

So many people encourage me...I cannot begin to name everyone that encourages me with a word, smile, text, or FB to help me reach my goal. I feel like I am back on track and it is because of the prayers of my mother!, my fantastic friends and fabulous family.

My dream would be to run ahead and see what life will be like when I reach my goal of 176 pounds. I want to know what I will look like and what I will feel like. Who will I just in a healthy body. I am actually beginning to see me at goal. The old me is goal but the me now can begin to see the new me...coming soon!

Oh you wanna know what I have lost.....a total of 116 pounds!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Sioux Falls - 1000 miles away

I'm just sitting here thinking about my week in Sioux Falls and my heart is really sad. I had such a blast getting there, being there, and the ride home. Each year there are new experiences. We renew old relationships and build new ones. For weeks and months, I look forward to this trip. Then it's over and back to reality. Don't get me wrong there are so many great things that happened in SF that I want to share with my friends and family at home. It's just hard for it to come and end so quickly.

It's really hard to explain to people about the connection that I have with SF. Unless you have been there, you don't understand. And maybe if you have been there, you still may not understand. I think Jeff T. understands. He told me that he was looking through all the pictures and had to stop because it upset him too much because he was not there. There's just something not quiet explainable.

One of things that we do is park ministry. There are children that come out to the park for VBS and sports camp that are waiting on us each day when we get there. They hang on every word we say. It seems that they are surprised by our unconditional love for them. These children are experiencing the love Christ has for us through our words and actions. Bonds and connections are made on Day 1. There were siblings that made an impression on me. Corey, Caelan, and Austin. Three of the sweetest children you will ever find. They were their waiting on Monday for us. And they were the last to leave on our last day on Thursday. They listen intensively at every Bible story, learned the songs, loved the games and crafts. They experienced every we thing we did like it was the first time. I have no doubt in my mind that it was probably some first for them. I am so glad to be part of planting a seed in their lives in what will hopefully be the beginning of their walk with Jesus.

The other thing that I was thinking about the friendships we build. Cindy, Gayle, Jeff, Julie, Rob, Karen, Chris, John, Ben, Philip!...these are the faces that are sketched in my mind and in my heart that we have seen and spent time with over and over again. They are each special to me in a certain way. It's really hard to only spend one week out of the year with them. They are like family yet we don't get to see them often enough. Each one of them holds a place in my heart. It's like part of my heart was left in SF. God has been good to extend our Christian family beyond our small town.!

Something else that I think about is how much time I get to spend with some of my church family. I don't like riding a 15 passenger van for 4 days but I love the time spent with my folks. You learn so many things about each other some good and some not so good. The conversations we have are priceless! I absolutely love watching Zack, AJ, Brandy, and Ashley interact with each other and with the children. I see the love they have for each other, the love they have for me, and the love they have for the Lord sometime during the week. You think you are close to people before you go but you always learn something new about them!

Bro. Randy is right when he says you will learn something about yourself, something about God, and something about others.
I learned that I have a love for mission beyond even what I knew. I want it to be more than a week of my summer.
I learned that God is faithful and that we should keep on focus on Him. Just check out Nehemiah 1...this is another blog story that is amazing!
I learned that we have all gifts that if we allow God to use us He will.

Although part of my heart feels sad and is also full of joy and excitement with how used our Louisiana Team.


Sunday, August 9, 2009

Sometime in the last few weeks, I posted a status on my facebook about my weight loss journey. It said .... Laura Lea needs help and support from all my friends and know who you are....the ones that supported and prayed for me as I lost the first 110 pounds. I need you to pray for me to get back in my routine with that determination that I had when I started!

It is amazing how God works. I got several comments about how people would be praying for me and how they knew I could do it. Some people may even be skeptics and think that this is far out there. But I felt the prayers of my friends and family! That day something changed. I could feel it on the inside that I was changing. My determination is now back. It was not easy the last week in South Dakota but I found myself back in a routine. Early breakfast, light lunch, early dinner. No snacking except for those runs to B&G, Milky Way, and DG! But since it was my snack for the evening. I didn't even snack in between meals. I am so glad to be back in the routine of things. The traveling was difficult. Between we ate when we could and what we could. I was looking at pictures from World Changers and Mission trip....I look different too. My smile is back, my face is clear, I just look different. Maybe it's just me! But I couldn't be more excited to know that I am back on track. I have some new goals....25 pounds by December 1st.....100 pounds by August 2010.

I know that I cannot do this by myself. I have to have the support of my family and friends and most importantly I have to rely on my Lord and Savior.
1. Eat 3 meals a day. 2 snacks in between
2. Curves 5 days a week after school
3. Water water water
4. I am going to try and get out and walk....we are not going to come in last at the EL Memorial Walk.

I am still looking for the me. I know that God has blessed me with talents and gifts. I feel like anything I put my mind and heart into that He will help me do. But I also realized this week that there is so much more for me to do and for me to do it...I have to reach my weight loss goal. I can do it. I want Him to use me even more.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Eyesbrowns and broken toenails

So here I am finally arrived in Sioux Falls, SD. I am sitting with Diana, Pro-Zack, AJ, Ashley, and B Randy. It took us 19 hours 30 minutes and 7 seconds, 1 hotel, two dozen cupcakes, Outback, McDonalds, DQ, penciled in eyesbrowns, fingernail polish remover, broken toenail, running a mile to get a bag, numerous jokes about me and Cradle, tons of laughs, a few tears, a lost ring, millions of text messages, Facebook stalkings, bikes and tattoos, Pro-Zack's two new friends, and talking to each other in our sleeep but we are here and excited!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

We had the best time in Shreveport this week! Diana, Ashley, Rachel and I went to World Changers in Shreveport, the Boardwalk, and to see Aunt Jackie. I have to say where ever we go, we like to have a good time. We don't even care what people think. We were trying on hats and sunglasses and I suddenly I realized we had drawn attention. We were having such a good time that we didn't care that people might find us goofy! So if we brought a smile to someone's day....I'll keep trying on hats and sunglasses!

Monday, July 20, 2009

World Changer

World Changers came and went in a blur. In the days before we left, I was worried and hesitate not about the work but the heat. I absolutely love WC but there are always some worries before leaving. There are thoughts of excitement and worry. Then before you know it the days have flown by and your back home wishing you were back at World Changers! Eight days ago.....

Day 1... I got to the church late! Not too late just everyone waiting on me and the truck so we could load up. Everyone was super excited to get on the road. We had to head north to turn and go south! We went through Monroe and on to Jackson then headed south toward New Orleans. But we finally arrived after 2 stops for the bathroom, one stop for lunch, two stops for the tarp, and one stop for gas. It took us 7 hours! But we arrived on time!

Day 2.... Dumpsters! That is our crew name for the week! It was exciting to meet everyone from different places! Michaela - Texas! Craziest thing you will find! Olivia - Texas --Excited!
Kandis - Texas! Initial thoughts...quiet! I was wrong! Charles - Crew Chief - laid back! Jennifer - Louisiana! Reserved. Alexis Louisiana! Silent! Our other two members were coming in later. We went to worship at Trinity Baptist at Franklinton. That church is fabulous! They treated us like family.

Day 3...Work Day 1. It was hot. But that is not the hard part. It seemed like we had trouble getting started. We had two crews at our work site. The roofing team had to do some things before we could get started. It was hard to encourage the crew when I needed encouragement myself. We did very little Monday but I continued to pray for God to use us. Worship was amazing. Scott invited us to the altar to write down (on sticky notes) anything that was standing between us and our relationship with Jesus.

Day 4...Work Day 2...Yeah we finally worked today. I got paint on me. Our crew picked up because we actually got to do what we came to WC to do. Worship on Tuesday was my favorite. Concert of Prayer was the most awesome night. It was nice to go in and sit quietly. I think the most impressive thing was when Scott, Bethany, and David walked to the cross, where the sticky notes were, and began to shred them. It was an amazing moment. It has nothing to do with those three people. It was all about how Jesus takes our burdens and we can let it go.

Day 5...Work Day 3...only a half day of work and a half day of play! We had the best time with our group in New Orleans. Riverwalk, Bubba Gumps(coconut shrimp! YUM!), and Cafe De Monde. And the marathon we ran to get back to the van! Quincy was trying to get Kylie to the bathroom. Then the party! We busted up a 10 year anniversary for fraternity at the Hilton trying to get back to the van!

Day 6....Work Day 4...We worked hard getting the whole house painted! Our crew pulled together and worked so good together. It is amazing how God puts together a team and how you grow to love each and everyone of them!

Day 7....Final day of work! We had a busy day trying to finish so we could go to Sonic. It was hot and humid! It started off with rain but finished with sunshine and Sonic. Our crew pulled together and God used us! Later that night.....after closing celebration..I was walking out of the church and I ran into our home owner's family. I was so excited. But the best news...thirteen year old Allison gave her life and heart to Jesus. I was so excited I wanted to tell everyone. Strange thing...I was disappointed because we didn't get to spend much time with the during the week. But God works in amazing ways. Seems that Allison was watching from the window and porch. She and her brothers fell in love with me and I didn't even know. I guess you can be a witness to someone even through a window.

Day 8...the day to go home. Saying goodbye was hard. I really truly believe that some of our friends from WC 09 we will see again. They are friends for a lifetime. Diana and I are making plans to visit Texas! There was some grouchiness on the way home mostly from being tired. But everyone was glad for a great week, new friends, and to going home to our own beds.

I love World Changers and cannot wait until next year! God is amazing and awesome!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

If your happy and you know it....

First of all, thanks everyone who continues to read my blog.

Sometimes I just don't know what to write but I found something to write about.
Writing is like therapy! Recently I got my feelings hurt because I wasn't included. It really bothered me. My feelings where hurt and I am usually tough as nails. I didn't understand why I was left out and still don't. Besides all of that, it made me think about how many times that I probably left someone out and it hurt their feelings like it did mine. Maybe God used this to teach me a lesson. I don't like learning lesson sometimes! I'm going to do better.
People like to be around me I hope! I like to have a good time. I like to be around people. I love to laugh and make people smile. My mother tells me people just like to be around me. I guess it's from my great personality(HA) not too humble though!

I think the joyful attitude started with actually pretending. People don't like to be around people who are negative. I had a lot to be negative about when I was a kid. Mainly because I was the largest one in every situation. So instead of turning in I turned out. Laughing, having fun, being happy so people liked me even though I was overweight.

I think overtime people just grew to overlook my weight and love me for my fun personality. My mother always worried that I couldn't be serious. I know when to be serious and all the other time love life. So people liked to be around me because I am happy. As I grew older, it became me. I don't remember when I decided to be happy all the time and forget about my weight. As large as I was and still am, it never stopped me.

My weight watcher leader told when I received my 1oo pound award that she remembered a very sad looking young lady who walked through the doors of WW. I never felt unhappy. I guess I just looked it during that time.

Hey don't think that I don't have depressing days I do but most of the time I AM HAPPY! So everyone don't worry be happy!

I know you probably raised an eyebrow when I said pretending. I guess overtime I just got tired of pretending. I really do love life and like to have a good time. If you like me good, if you don't I don't care! I am going to be happy and have fun and love life! I have a Savior who loves me and cherishes me. So I'm happy and I know it!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

In a newsletter

I wanted to share the article that was in the Curves newsletter from this month. First I must tell you that a couple of weeks ago Cindy Nunn(from Curves) told me that she wanted to feature me in the newsletter. I thought wow! I am always impressed with the ladies that are featured each month. Now she was asking me! Wow I say. It took us a couple of tries and finally we were about to talk. Cindy told me that I could answer then now or bring them by to her later.

Some of the questions were Would I recommended Curves and Why?
How has it helped me? Health related? Any obstacles? How do I stay committed?

The next day I brought the questions and answers back to her. We also talked and I shared some other things with her. Cindy is the sweetest thing and so encouraging! She told me she would work on it and run it by me before printing it.

A few days went by and she called me. She wanted to get my approval. As she read it to me, I was amazed at how she took what I told her and developed it! I had tears in my eyes as she shared it with me over the phone.

I wanted to share it with all of you ... my support! Remember the reason for the article is to promote Curves but it did way more than that for me.

The following is the article:



I was so proud of that piece! Cindy did a great job of taking my answers and our talk and turning it into some so special. I know that it was a way of promoting Curves but it increased my motivation!

Thanks Cindy! She even told me that her husband proof reads everything and he was inspired/motivated by it!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Voices in my Head

I cannot describe not only how hard it is to lose weight but also to keep it off. I still have 152 pounds to go and it is hard.

Every thought or decision that I make deals with my weight loss. What to eat or not, exercise or not, what time to eat, how much exercise, too much too little, can I get away this or not, can't I just enjoy this one thing, what will the scales say. Weight encompasses your entire life.

Disappointment sets in.

I get so much negative talk and thoughts from myself.

I skipped Weight Watchers meetings for several weeks and Curves for a couple of weeks. Last week I hit the exercise circuit hard. Pushing myself to get to the new goal I have. 30 pounds by the first week of school which by the way is around my birthday. I want to be under 300 pounds by the time I am 35. So 299 by August 15th. I don't care who knows what I weigh. I don't want to go back and I don't want to stay here either!

So I worked so hard on the exercise. The food part is harder than the exercise. Cravings! It's so hard.

So I worked my tail off and went back to WW tonight. When I weighed in tonight, I had lost .8.
I felt the disappointment rising in me. I know I really lost 3.8 pounds. See I had gained 3 pounds while not working out. But the disappointment is still there. Funny thing is it makes me what to eat something naughty. The feelings creep up inside of me to say "I am going to throw my hands up and say I DON'T CARE I'M EATING IT. I'LL DEAL IT WITH IT TOMORROW."

I hate to hear life is hard. Yeah I know. It is hard. Life is hard. Dieting is hard. Waiting is hard. Staying on track is hard.

Sometimes I get tired of the fight. But then there is the voice that I hear say. Don't go backwards. Then I hear another voice say I am proud of you. Another You can do it. NO its not the voices in my head. At least not my own voice. It's Daniel, Mama, Jason, Susie, Abbie, Diana, my girls, Tina, Pennie, Janie, Chastity, Ms. Laura(WW), Michawn, Melissa....just to name a few......if I didn't name are just as important......oh it is so many familiar voices that love me and want me not only to succeed but to live. But more importantly it's the Holy Spirit's voice saying I with Me.....Rely on Me.

It is hard. And you know the reality. It's never going to be easy. Now or when I reach goal. Not going to be easy. But I am glad to know that I have a huge support group whispering in my ear telling me to keep moving toward the goal to be the best that God has designed me to be.

299 hear I come by August 15!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Never get a second chance to make a first impression

It's been a while since I wrote. Life has been kinda been stinkin' boring the last month.

I have been really thinking about writing again but really couldn't think of anything worth writing about. Then yesterday my mind was running with thoughts while getting ready for church.

The thoughts started while washing my hair; thinking about if I should wear it curly or straight. Then I thought should I wear my brown skirt or new cute white shirt. I struggle every time I go somewhere with what to wear. I usually go through several outfits before settling on something. I try to pick out the night before but sometimes I have to try on numerous things before I can get out the door.

My thoughts of how to look to get out the door turned into thoughts about first impressions. As a single girl this is very important. I have to walk out the door looking like I am ready to go meet my prince. What if I look like I just rolled out of bed? Not a good impression. For the last few days, I have been getting up, bathing, fixing hair enough to get out the door, putting on clothes to exercise in. Least to say...not too impressive. Functional!

For people that have known me, you have loved me and didn't care my size. You loved me for me.
I am so glad to have friends in my life that don't look at the outward appearance that look at my heart. Those are the people who matter. Those people can see the change I've been through. Those are the people who will be invited to the party.For all the others...

Unless you have been extremely obese, you might not understand this. But when you are overweight the looks that you get from people are astounding. They may have not said anything but I could imagine what they were saying with their eyes. Up and down looks. Wondering how I could have gotten to that point. I don't really get those looks that say pathetic as much. But I still wonder about what people are thinking of me even at the overweight size I am now. Sometimes it makes me what to scream to just don't know! I would love to wear a T-shirt that has a before and after picture.

Sometimes I feel the need to show my picture of before and after to people who didn't know me before. A couple of months ago some friends of mine got together with some friends of theirs and we all ended being friends. This new guy and I became instant friends laughing and cutting up. After we had been out for a while, I felt that need to show him my picture. He told me he didn't need see my picture that I was beautiful the way I was. Oh my. (He was a playa!)

But you know he was right. I've been beautiful for a long time. Even before he recognized it.

Since I can remember 1 Samuel 16:7 has been my favorite verse.

1 Samuel 16:7 (New International Version)
7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

First impressions are largely based on the outward appearance. Like it or not that is society. I know that I will still worry about making a good first impression based on the outward appearance but I pray that my heart will show through and that is what people will walk away saying she is a beautiful person because of that.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

What an opportunity!

I try to weigh in when I go out of town so that it can keep me on track. Last year I weighed in while at Janie's and also while in Sioux Falls. I was determined to weigh in at Weight Watcher while at Janie's this time too. Weighing in help me keep on track and holds me accountable!

God can work in amazing ways. Today while in Waldorf, I went to a the local WW meeting. I thought the weigh in started at 5 and the meeting at 5:30. When I got there, about 5 or 6 ladies were sitting around. I was going to weigh in and leave because Janie and Eli were waiting for me.

The leader preceded to tell me that the meeting didn't start until 6:30 and weigh in at 6. But she told me she would go ahead and weigh me. I LOST 1.8. Making my total 111. Yeah me!

That is not the important part of this entry. As I was weighing in, I told the leader my total weight loss. She was so excited. She asked me on the spot if I would speak at the meeting. Well it was the pre-meeting. She told me that once a month she holds a pre-meeting for those that have lost their mo-jo!

Before I knew it, I was sharing my story...I like to say testimony.....with a group of ladies that needed some encouragement. I told them how I got started, how I had struggled, and where I am now...and of course how I got here. I made sure that I included that God is my strength and prayer is so important.

The leader made the statement that she saw a future leader! Of course, if you know me, I am not shy and love talking.

After leaving Weight Watchers, I prayed that God would use me in a mighty way. My prayer is that as I lose weight and continue to toward goal that He will receive the glory! I know that God has used my weight loss journey and will continue to use me through this journey to minister to people. I cannot wait for the other opportunities He has for me!

How can I keep from singing Your praise!! How can I ever say enough! How amazing is Your love! How can I keep from shouting Your name!! I know I am loved by the King !!! And it makes my heart want to sing!!!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Be nice!

Let me tell you about my experience today.

Janie and I shopped most of the day. We had one more stop to make before heading to get groceries. The one stop was for hose! Ok I hate hose but with the dress I am wearing I am going to try to wear them.

Janie dropped me off at the door and I ran in. When I got in the worker spoke. I spoke back. Then I asked her if she would help me find the right size. Ok she was not busy. She raised her hand in the direction of the hose and said they are back there. She never took a step. I said I need help deciding the size. (Because of my 11o pounds loss! Yeah!) She said most people look at the back. I heard nothing else from her. She offered NO help. It bothered me for a few reasons.

1. It was a plus size store. She was a 100 pounds wet. That bothers me. She probably has no idea what it is like for a big girl to go into a store and find clothes. Why is a skinny girl working in a big girl store?
2. If you are going to work in the public, then you need to know you are working in the public. If you cannot be nice to someone, then get a job where you are all alone!

I know people have bad days but she was just not nice. It bothered me.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Did you hear it?

Did you that noise Thursday night? Well, that was me screaming after weighing in at Weight Watchers Thursday night. When I weighed in, I had lost 6.4 pounds. I was so excited I was doing a cheerleader dance! I am now at my lowest weight since I started. I have lost 109.2 pounds. Just wait I'm on my way now! It's going to keep going down.

I don't know when it happened but I got a renewed commitment! Since November I have not been doing anything to brag about. My desire for food and been more than my desire to get healthy.. But for some reason it's been like I just started. I told someone the other day that I feel like I did when I first started. Excited maybe? I have been back on track. Not eating between meals. Even that feeling of wanting to eat when I wasn't hungry is gone. I haven't been focused on it.

I was telling a friend this week I know why it has gotten easier. Someone is praying for me. I cannot explain it but I feel like someone is praying over me. I know some may say that is weird but I have to give credit where it is due. God is good all the time God is good.

So where am I now? I am on my way to getting to goal. I know that I have a few miles to walk and a few more battles to win but I have my God on my side. I have my friends and family on my side. And yeah somebody's praying me through....

Somebody's Praying Me Through
Pressing over me like a big blue sky
I know someone has me on their heart tonight
That’s why I know it’s gonna be alright
‘Cause somebody’s praying me through
Somebody’s praying me through
It may be my Mother, it might be my Dad
Or an old friend I’ve forgot I had
But whoever it is I’m so glad that
Somebody’s praying me through
Through the tears, through the rain
Through the sorrow, through the pain
It keeps bringing me through
Over and over again
So when you’re drowning in a sea of hurt
And it feels like life couldn't get any worse
There’s a blessing waiting to push back the curse
‘Cause somebody’s praying you through
Somebody’s praying you through
Someone got down on their knees and prayed for me
Somebody’s, somebody’s praying you through

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

A great weekend

This past weekend was a blur. Friday night I went to the church and worked on Hee-Haw Dinner Theater. Mary and Ms. Tina were there painting! Helping me get ready! Weathered the storm together. I was back at the church Saturday for more decorating. Mary was back and so was Robert, Isaac, and Michael. They did a good job!
Then off Saturday night to the Old Timer's game. Oh my that was too much fun. Watching people from high school play was just exciting. The only thing is that I didn't remember how rough girls play. Those girls were serious about winning a basketball game. Then came the boys. They represented well. I always did like to watch the boys play.
Then we were off to Chilli's after the game. Boomer, Abbie, Diana, Amy, Jessie, Jason, and Derek. Can I say craziness? First of all which one of my friends told our new friend about the Red Door? What will people say? Not funny. Boomer and Abbie are both a mess! Why did it take so long to find out Jason and Jessie are fabulous? Diana always makes me laugh. Amy is just great. Derek. He just fits right in.
Sunday was a busy day. Sunday morning, we had a guest speaker at church. He is someone I know because he was friends with my dad. I was glad to get to hear him speak. His life has taken a drastic change in the last year. God is using him in a mighty way.
Sunday evening was so busy. I worked all afternoon on the last minute things for Hee-Haw. I am so proud of how Hee-Haw Dinner Theater turned out. Everything went so well. There were people who I never thought would sing..they sang. The food was excellent. The jokes corny...yet funny. The costumes! Too much. We looked like a bunch of rednecks! I couldn't have made it without all the help. Painting, raising a barn, cooking, cleaning, telling jokes, serving! These people were working for Jesus. We raised somewhere around $1500 for a our Summer Mission Trip! Yeah. Money for helping us go tell others about Jesus.
Sunday night we hung out again at Sonic and froze! We moved over to McDonald's where it was warm. Shame on Jessie for laughing while Boomer was praying! I don't know when I laughed as hard at anything as I did at Boomer and Abbie and their words of the day! They could have a radio talk show. I would listen every morning. I was so tired Monday from a great weekend! I stayed up way to late and got up way to early.
If you made it down this far, you are probably wondering why I am writing about my crazy busy weekend. I think it is because I wanted to stress the friends thing! I love being able to hang out from my great friends. They make me laugh, they keep me on the straight, they listen when I need a ear! I love great friends. Philippians 1:3 says I thank my God every time I remember you. I thank God for great friends.
And you know this is just one set of friends I have. I have more that I could write about that I didn't get to hang out with this weekend. Don't worry!!! There will be stories about them soon.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My list

I have been stuck lately. I have had a cycle of gain then loss, then gain. then loss. Such a vicious cycle. I have struggled. I want to eat good stuff not stuff good for me. Today I emailed my first (let me say outstanding) Weight Watcher leader. I basically begged her to come back and for advice to get back on track. I want to find that momentum that I had when I first started. She recommended me writing a list. So here is my list. OK it is more than one list.

List 1 - List the all the good things that have happened since I started.
1. I feel better.
2. I look better.
3. I have more confidence in reaching goals.
4. I can go into more stores and find clothes that fit.
5. I have to have a belt!

List 2 List accomplishments
1. I have lost more than 100 pounds.
2. I was brave and FLEW to see Janie.
3. I walked a 5k. Yahoo - I am going to do it again.
4. I danced at the Old Timers game. OH MY OH ME
5. No more blood pressure medicine!
6. I did it without surgery. That certain person don't have to ask my if I am going to have surgery. I can do it without surgery.

List 3 -List all the bad things that could happen if I stay off track.
1. Blood pressure could go up!
2. I could gain that 100 pounds back.
3. I would feel bad and be tired all the time.
4. I would have to face everyone who is on my side that wants me to lose weight. OUCH.
5. I could get that puffy look again.

List 4 - Final list - Setting my goal!
1. I will lose 5 pounds this week.
2. I will go to Curves every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. NO EXCUSES.
3. I will exercise during nap time at school on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
4. I will lose 20 pounds by May 1st. That is two months!!! That is 10 pounds a month.

Everyone that I know is going to need to get by my side. I need prayer. I need encouragement. I need friends. I need help. Did I mention prayer?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Unchangeable, Unshakeable, Unstoppable That's what You Are!

I haven't been writing much lately. Believe it or not I have to feel it. You know it has to come to me. If I were writing for a living, I would starve and I mean starve. I even opened up my dashboard to get ready to write and nothing. NOTHING. NOTHING.

Then I started thinking about it came to me. Actually it happened to me.

Yesterday, I was suppose to go to my cousin's surgery at Baylor and because of a few circumstances I didn't go. I already had the day scheduled to be off, so I stayed home and washed clothes and cleaned house...oh yeah tried to watch some stories! Oh my!!! daytime television is so strange. It is not real life!

I spent the day by myself. I ran to the store at lunch because I was out of water but the rest of the day I spent alone. I am not an alone person. I like people. I like to be around people. By the day's end I was feeling the onset of depression. I don't like that feeling. I sat in my recliner and decided I had to get up, take a bath, and go to Walmart so I could see real people.

I don't really fight depression too much. Don't think I am unstable. I don't fight to get up in the morning or anything. There are only a few times that I have felt really alone. In fact, I can remember the two loneliest times in my life. One was in high school and the other was last year.

One of my hardest years in high school was 10th grade. I decided that I could have an attitude. I had attitude with my parents, friends, teachers, whoever spoke to me. I don't remember what was really going on. I don't know why exactly I going through such a change. I remember being in trouble at school more than one time. I spent several days in Mr. Anders' office. He had several talks with me. One day I stayed at home sick and he called my mother to see if I was okay. I was so mad. Now I am grateful. That was the first year I was at school without Jason. He had graduated the year before. Maybe that is why. During this time, I remember one day at home curling up in the corner of my bed and crying and crying. Until recently, I really never talked about it. Nothing had happened. I just remembered how alone I felt. Thank goodness for a living God that loves me and sent me family and friends that love me. Things got better and I got better.

The other time was last summer. The last day of summer vacation. I was at home. I sat down in the recliner and started crying. Crying and snotting. I was so upset. I felt so alone. I had a very busy summer. I had been to St. Louis, home a day, Washington, home 2 days and South Dakota. This was the day I got home from SD. I had spent 3 days by myself in 4 weeks. I was finally home and was sad. I called Pennie. I needed her to tell me are tired. You had a busy summer. You are going to be ok. Tomorrow is a new day. I needed to hear those things. She told me those things. I got up and got ready and went to Walmart. Still crying but under control! The next day was Sunday. I was somewhat better. But I cried for two more days. Then it was my birthday and school started. I got better but I still remember that feeling I had.

There are so many people out there that have days, weeks, or months like my two days. I am glad to have the love of a Savior. A love from friends and family to help me get thru these tough times. When I was writing this, I remembered one of my favorite songs. Here are the words.

You are not a god Created by human hands You are not a god Dependant on any mortal man You are not a god In need of anything we can give By Your plan, that’s just the way it is

You are God alone From before time began You were on Your throne Your are God alone And right now In the good times and bad You are on Your throne You are God alone

You’re the only God Whose power none can contend You’re the only God Whose name and praise will never end You’re the only God Who’s worthy of everything we can give You are God And that’s just the way it is

Unchangeable Unshakable Unstoppable That’s what You are

Thank God He is Who He is! He holds me in His mighty hand!

Friday, February 13, 2009

The grass is always greener...just enjoy the grass

I had a discussion with a friend today about the grass. The green grass. The grass is always greener on the other side. If I have this and you have that, I want that and you want this. HA!

I don't have kids or a husband. I want both. I want God to hurry and drop that man into my life. I want to meet and marry that man God has just for me. I want kids. I am being real honest. It bothers me sometimes when I get to thinking that all my friends have husbands, husbands/kids. I'm sure you have heard someone say...."Others have it why cannot I." " Ole' so and so have a great guy and she don't deserve him." "They don't take care of there kids....I am going to be a good Mommy....."

I have me. I have family. I love my family. I have a great family. But at the end of the day, I go home alone. Wait! Don't feel sorry for me. I have lots of family and lots of friends. I get to do whatever I want without asking or planning around them. I can go when I need to go and stay as long as I want.

OK so where does the grass thing come from. I want what others have and others want what I have. They would not give up their families. They want a few minutes by themselves. Time to take a bath without on knock on the door. Time to just sit in the recliner.

The point is that the grass is greener on the other side.

My friend make this point.
One person has a truck the other person has nothing. They would love the truck. The person with the truck looks at other person that has the bigger truck.

One person has shoes the other person has old ratty ones. The needy one would like a better pair. The first person would like the best.

See the grass is greener. I think what I need to work on along with millions of other Americans is to be content with what I have. I am blessed to have what I do. I have a house, job, food, and clothes. I may not have the best but I have what is best for me.
In Philippians, Paul talks about being content in all things in 4:10-12 but don't stop there....verse 13 says I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. So how can we be content? Focus on the 3 P's - Perspective - look what at what you have not what others have. Priorities - focus on what is really important. Power - remember you strength and contentment comes from Christ.

My grass is so green and I am enjoying every minute of it.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

People are so mean

I went to a ballgame recently. The guy behind me was mouthing at the ref. It was funny because most of the time he was right. But something hit me wrong. I heard him call out some names that bothered me. He was calling one of the players a name. Then he referred to one of the refs as the fat one. That one really bothered me. By the way, I know the guy that was sitting behind me. I am not upset with him but he did get me to thinking.

I cannot tell you how many times that I had heard things, mean things said to me. I have been called names to my face and behind my back. I have been called fat, a whale, Shammou. I can tell you those things are hurtful.

I can think of different times that I really got my feelings hurt. I thank God that he has let me forget most of the hurtful things that have been said.

I cannot remember a time when I haven't had a weight problem. Elementary school was no different. I was always bigger than the other students. There was this guy that I thought was so cute. OK I was like 11. I thought he was fantastic. Until one day. We were playing around after school and he called me a water buffalo. OH YEAH! It hurt my feelings so bad. That was it. I decided to ignore him and I didn't care. That started it. I would not speak if he spoke to me. It hurt my feelings so bad. Funny thing. He told his mother I was being ugly to him! But he failed to tell her that he called me an ugly name. Shame on him. But shame on me because even after that I still thought he was cute. Ugh! high school. I was at a local grocery store with a friends of mine. We talking and laughing with her boss the manager. Somehow the subject came up about me getting a job. His immediate comment was "she is fat." I am not talking about a child. This was an adult. ADULT in age but child in maturity. It took me a long time to even go back in. My mother and daddy did not shop in that store for a long time. I ignore him for a long time. But I have to think now that yeah I was the bigger person in that situation but not by weight.

On into college.....I was graduating from college looking for a job. At NSU, we had a teacher job fair where school systems came in and you could interview with them. Things went well that day. I interview with lots of parishes. Promising places. But one place would have had to be the last job in La for me to go to. The conversation was going pretty well when he asked me a question. I quote...So how do you think you can get up and down off the floor with those kids being that big? I was so shocked. How could a professional ask me that! He did though. Needless to say...I came back to my parish where there are people who love me for me.

Things don't change...when I first started losing weight everyone was so excited for me. But I had someone make a comment to me. I hope that they really didn't mean the way it sounded but it was hurtful. I was told that if I keep losing that then she would be the biggest one at work. It really bothered me. It was like saying you big fat thing. I think that she didn't mean it the way it came out.

So why am I talking about this now. You remember the old saying:
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words with never hurt me. Words do hurt. Wounds from sticks and stones will heal usually quickly but words hurt for a long time. Words cannot be put back in. I did a children's message one time using toothpaste. You know once you squeeze the toothpaste out, it don't go back in. The same with words. They cannot be put back in no matter how many apologies are spoken.

Be careful little words what you say because words do hurt.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Relating our lives

Yesterday I spent most of the day at home. I decided to search Weight Watchers on YouTube. I really found some interesting people. I found people who vlog, yes, vlog. Video blogging. I also found segments from national TV shows. It was all very interesting.

I watched videos most of the day. Watching these made me realize I am not alone, I can do it, and how grateful that I should be for family and friends. I am going to make some comments today that may sound judgemental. It is not intended to be. It is more about evaluating my own situation and learning from it.

I had heard about this first lady and had seen her on TV. She was on ABC Morning Show with Diana Sawyer. She is truly an inspirational story. She has lost over 500 hundred pounds. She weighed over 700 lbs. She now weights 170. She has been on Oprah. It was an amazing thing. After a birthday present from her sister, her life changed. No it wasn't a personal trainer. It was a computer; something she could put her focus on besides food. She said she had not been out of the apartment for 12 years hold. I am so glad to have friends and family that would get me out of the house after a few days. I am so glad that at my biggest I was still active. For her it was not magic diet, it was changing her focus. Her story gives me courage. I know that if a 40 something year old lady who had to 500 pounds to drop can do it so can I!

Another lady was on the Joy Fit Club. She lost 240 pounds in 18 months. She could fit her whole body into one leg of her old jeans. It was so amazing how different she looked. I see me in her because she has struggled with weight loss for a long time...since childhood. What was so interesting about her was that she became so obsessed with dieting that she became anorexic. She had to learn to quit eating the bad things and to eat enough of the good things. She is healthy now- right where she needs to be. Her story reminds me that I have to know that this has to be a lifestyle change and not a diet.

I don't know how many times I have texted Diana during a WW meeting. Mostly when a skinny girl walks in. UGH! Seriously, I know that someones 20 extra pounds is as hard to lose as my 200 pounds I need to shed. NO fear! I did find a girl who has a YouTube vlog that didn't make me go UGH. I watched all her videos from Weigh-in 1 to Weigh-in 25. She started around the same time I did but with much less weight to loss. Again I didn't say UGH. I realize that our struggle is the same - unhealthy weight. No matter the number, we both have to lose. She was very encouraging. I didn't watch all 25 videos! But I watched enough and I hope that she reaches her goal and becomes a lifetime member.

One of my favorites is a lady who lost 213 pounds. Why do I like her? A few reasons. I am actually a about 75 pounds heavier than her when we both started. But when I look at her I see me. I actually showed someone the picture of her and they said that looks like you. When I saw the after picture of her, I said I can be that size. Another reason I like her is because she used Weight Watchers. It worked for her. It is working for me. I guess it all comes down to the fact that I can relate to her.

Kim, Nancy, Amy, whoever.... Laura -that's me. I cannot wait until the day that someone is writing about me. The day that my life relates to theirs.