Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My list

I have been stuck lately. I have had a cycle of gain then loss, then gain. then loss. Such a vicious cycle. I have struggled. I want to eat good stuff not stuff good for me. Today I emailed my first (let me say outstanding) Weight Watcher leader. I basically begged her to come back and for advice to get back on track. I want to find that momentum that I had when I first started. She recommended me writing a list. So here is my list. OK it is more than one list.

List 1 - List the all the good things that have happened since I started.
1. I feel better.
2. I look better.
3. I have more confidence in reaching goals.
4. I can go into more stores and find clothes that fit.
5. I have to have a belt!

List 2 List accomplishments
1. I have lost more than 100 pounds.
2. I was brave and FLEW to see Janie.
3. I walked a 5k. Yahoo - I am going to do it again.
4. I danced at the Old Timers game. OH MY OH ME
5. No more blood pressure medicine!
6. I did it without surgery. That certain person don't have to ask my if I am going to have surgery. I can do it without surgery.

List 3 -List all the bad things that could happen if I stay off track.
1. Blood pressure could go up!
2. I could gain that 100 pounds back.
3. I would feel bad and be tired all the time.
4. I would have to face everyone who is on my side that wants me to lose weight. OUCH.
5. I could get that puffy look again.

List 4 - Final list - Setting my goal!
1. I will lose 5 pounds this week.
2. I will go to Curves every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. NO EXCUSES.
3. I will exercise during nap time at school on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
4. I will lose 20 pounds by May 1st. That is two months!!! That is 10 pounds a month.

Everyone that I know is going to need to get by my side. I need prayer. I need encouragement. I need friends. I need help. Did I mention prayer?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Unchangeable, Unshakeable, Unstoppable That's what You Are!

I haven't been writing much lately. Believe it or not I have to feel it. You know it has to come to me. If I were writing for a living, I would starve and I mean starve. I even opened up my dashboard to get ready to write and nothing. NOTHING. NOTHING.

Then I started thinking about it came to me. Actually it happened to me.

Yesterday, I was suppose to go to my cousin's surgery at Baylor and because of a few circumstances I didn't go. I already had the day scheduled to be off, so I stayed home and washed clothes and cleaned house...oh yeah tried to watch some stories! Oh my!!! daytime television is so strange. It is not real life!

I spent the day by myself. I ran to the store at lunch because I was out of water but the rest of the day I spent alone. I am not an alone person. I like people. I like to be around people. By the day's end I was feeling the onset of depression. I don't like that feeling. I sat in my recliner and decided I had to get up, take a bath, and go to Walmart so I could see real people.

I don't really fight depression too much. Don't think I am unstable. I don't fight to get up in the morning or anything. There are only a few times that I have felt really alone. In fact, I can remember the two loneliest times in my life. One was in high school and the other was last year.

One of my hardest years in high school was 10th grade. I decided that I could have an attitude. I had attitude with my parents, friends, teachers, whoever spoke to me. I don't remember what was really going on. I don't know why exactly I going through such a change. I remember being in trouble at school more than one time. I spent several days in Mr. Anders' office. He had several talks with me. One day I stayed at home sick and he called my mother to see if I was okay. I was so mad. Now I am grateful. That was the first year I was at school without Jason. He had graduated the year before. Maybe that is why. During this time, I remember one day at home curling up in the corner of my bed and crying and crying. Until recently, I really never talked about it. Nothing had happened. I just remembered how alone I felt. Thank goodness for a living God that loves me and sent me family and friends that love me. Things got better and I got better.

The other time was last summer. The last day of summer vacation. I was at home. I sat down in the recliner and started crying. Crying and snotting. I was so upset. I felt so alone. I had a very busy summer. I had been to St. Louis, home a day, Washington, home 2 days and South Dakota. This was the day I got home from SD. I had spent 3 days by myself in 4 weeks. I was finally home and was sad. I called Pennie. I needed her to tell me ...you are tired. You had a busy summer. You are going to be ok. Tomorrow is a new day. I needed to hear those things. She told me those things. I got up and got ready and went to Walmart. Still crying but under control! The next day was Sunday. I was somewhat better. But I cried for two more days. Then it was my birthday and school started. I got better but I still remember that feeling I had.

There are so many people out there that have days, weeks, or months like my two days. I am glad to have the love of a Savior. A love from friends and family to help me get thru these tough times. When I was writing this, I remembered one of my favorite songs. Here are the words.

You are not a god Created by human hands You are not a god Dependant on any mortal man You are not a god In need of anything we can give By Your plan, that’s just the way it is

You are God alone From before time began You were on Your throne Your are God alone And right now In the good times and bad You are on Your throne You are God alone

You’re the only God Whose power none can contend You’re the only God Whose name and praise will never end You’re the only God Who’s worthy of everything we can give You are God And that’s just the way it is

Unchangeable Unshakable Unstoppable That’s what You are

Thank God He is Who He is! He holds me in His mighty hand!