Friday, August 5, 2011

News Flash

Today was my regularly scheduled every 3 month dreaded appointment in Shreveport with my rheumatologist. Today I left smiling. I saw my physician's assistant as usual. First she talks to me. Then she squeezes my fingers, hands, toes, and feet. Then she makes(I guess leads) me to do circular motions checking my ankles, knees, arms, and shoulders.

The news? She said I was doing very good. Improving greatly! She said no swelling in fingers and toes. (I still have one bad toe and one bad finger ha ha) She was impressed with how I could rotate my arms, shoulders, ankles, and leg. She said I was improving enough that I can wait 4 months to come back AND after that if I am still improving I don't have to go back for 6 months! I've come a long way since May!

One of the ladies working in the office said....I remember when you were here a few months ago. You were scared to death and worried about taking shots. Now look how good you look!

I have been excited all day. I feel so much better and now the doctor confirms it! Tonight on the way home, I had the radio really loud, singing to the top of my lungs!! Something I haven't done in a long time. Here's what I was singing......

This is the first day of the rest of your life
This is the first day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright s´gonna be alright

Another one of Matt Maher's songs that I'm obsessed!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I am so proud

I was having a conversation with sweet niece who loves her Aunt Laura very much. We were talking about her night at a friend's house. I was asking the questions about who was there, what they did and of course how late they stayed up. I stayed up to 1:30 or 2:00. Some were already asleep but she was still awake....then she said...her friend turned on the TV to watch Family Guy but she told her friends she was not allowed to watch that show.

I was SO PROUD! I wish I had that. You know that gutsy, stand up for what is right sense of morality! She is 9. How many times as adults do we laugh at that joke, watch something we shouldn't, or talk about someone we shouldn't or not stop someone from talking about someone? I am guilty!

I learned a great lesson from a 9 year old.

By the way, they turned it and watched something else!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I needed my glasses

The other day I was on my way home from Lafayette and had forgotten my sunglasses in Jason and Leah's vehicle. So we decided to meet at a convenient and get my glasses. I needed my sunglasses!

Mother has to have her 3 pm coffee everyday! I was going in to get a drink and a candy bar so I would see if they had coffee. But mother decided to get out. Slam went the door and in stayed the keys and our cell phones. OH SHOOT!

The people in the store were really nice. They called the local pd. NO answer. Called the parish pd. NO answer. answer. answer.

Jason and Leah arrive. They go back to the little town before to see if the deputy could help. He couldn't come into another parish and had no tool to use!

Back at the store after an hour of calling again and again....called pd finally got someone. No one on duty in the local town. The parish finally answered had 4 officers who were all busy and only one had the tool. BUT they good call pop a lock...without asking me!

Meanwhile Leah was calling a friend to see if he could do anything. No success.

All this time I am going in and out of the store. The girl working in the store and I talked back and forth as I was in and out of the liquor store! I forgot to mention this store is a major intersection for alcohol traffic. People in and out buying their evening loot. People of all kind of race, sex, jobs. I saw a lot. One guy even offered to help us open it with his big dozier. I declined!

Finally we called pop a lock, after no police officer was to be found anywhere, after Jason scratched my truck up using a hanger, after staying in the parking lot for over an hour.

Conversation with pop a lock guy
Me....I need you to open my truck.
Him...where are you the store. someone working on it.
me...yes but he cannot get it open
him....let him work on it some more and then call me back because it is about 10 miles there.
me...really. hold on. jason are you going to get it open. you better come on

REALLY...i called you! You say keep trying to get it open!

I went back in the store to tell me the girl pop a lock was coming. She says I really need to get back in church. I was shocked. Where did this come from? I said that would be good. It was a short conversation because someone else was waiting to buy their alcohol.

The pop a lock guy came in a few minutes. Doors open. On our way.

I started telling Mother about what the girl says. I couldn't imagine why she would say she needed back in church. There was no talk of Jesus, God, church, anything religious.

After driving awhile, I realized why she had said it. I had on a softball shirt from the Grace softball team. (GO Pro-Zack). A shirt. A shirt! She was reminded where she was in her relationship with Jesus by the shirt I was wearing. WOW.

The verse on the shirt...

Ephesians 2:8(NIV) For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Divine appointments

You know how you when you were a kid, teachers always ask you and made you write, tell, or draw a picture about what you did over summer vacation. Well, I'm going to share what I did over my summer vacation.
I'm not sure you are ready for this.
1. End of May...I started taking shots for my arthritis. I was devastated. Cried and cried. It was so overwhelming.
2. Blow out in Shreveport. Cried. Cost a lot to get it fixed. Financially I was struggling because of doctor bills and focusing on the circumstances instead of everyday activities which helped me get behind.
3. Truck breaks down in Shreveport same day as blow-out and started taking shots. It was a horrible day! It was my alternator.
4. Starting feel sick the day before school was out. Stayed sick for 2 before going to Dr. to find out I had an ulcer...I'm sure from all the worrying over #1......wait!
5. ER trip during VBS because I was horribly sick. Not an ulcer.
6. One week later....gall bladder out. Surgery. Not a good patient but wanted to be. :) ask my friends.
7. Flat tire.
8. Let down by people.
9. Locked my keys in my truck in the heat! No one to come help! Crazy folks. Paid pop-a-lock.
10. Someone bumped my a little scratch and dent.
11. oh yeah no fairy tale.
Oh yeah it was a great summer. bahahaha!

It's all good! OK so at the beginning of the summer I cried, cried, and cried at every little thing that happened. This list really happened in the order I wrote it. As the summer has passed by my attitude has improved. I'm still working on the positive attitude! But hey I didn't cry for a few of the last things that happened. I'm growing up because I did not even cry when I had my truck bumped into.

I would like everyone to know I am improving and getting better! The shots are helping much more than I could have realized. I am almost off some of my daily medicines. My hair is growing and not falling out. (medicine side affect) This was a big deal. :/ My truck is fixed. The tires are good. My brother was there to help. Someone else was there to help me with the flat. I didn't have an ulcer. Since having my gall bladder out, I am feeling much better. My mother and my friends took care of me after surgery. Groceries, gifts, cooking, babysitting me, prayers and blessings galore! I know who my true stick with you through thick and thing friends are. We made it home safe and Jason was there to help through locking my keys in my truck. The guy who bumped my truck...we are now friends.

I know some may not understand but I found that I couldn't not be upset with the guy who hit my truck. He was so upset and sorrowful. Yes there is slight damage and he is going to pay to have it fixed but I simple could not be mad. I'm a softy I guess. ;) Looks like grace showed up after a long summer of doubts and let downs for me. THESE ARE NOT MY WORDS BUT I COULD NOT HAVE PUT IT BETTER!

"Today had all the legitimate means to be a bad day...but it was a good day!! What was the difference?? God showed up! As He always does in my darkest moments! Thing is...He's always's just that the Light is most visible in the darkness! Lately I've allowed life's hurts, habits, and hang-ups to blind me with "self-light" (pride, anger, arrogance, selfishness, impatience)...And God shut me down!!...and today blessed me thru a stranger...who I in turn blessed with "PATIENCE" of all things!! You know...You just can't see God's light in Him or others if you are shining a light upon yourself! Thank you Lord for my bad day!! : )"

I was that stranger....

Its been since Sunday.....

Its been Sunday since I wrote mainly because I don't know where to go to next. I wish I could say that after a diagnosis and medicine it go better. That I picked myself up by my boot straps and headed back down that road of weight loss. Nope I didn't. Here I am 10 months short of 2 days...October 4th is the day that I feel like it all changed.....and I am 100 pounds back toward 438 lbs. I am not there yet but I have gained 100 pounds back of the 170 I lost. People are so kind to say you don't look like it but I know that I do. I see myself. I put the clothes on or really I don't because I can't fit into those clothes. I have gone back up sizes. It is so tough. I can remember thinking I would never go back over 300 pounds. Too late. I do not want to get back to 400 and I'm not there yet. THere's the head knowledge of what to do to stop this but the heart the fight to do it is not there. My heart need to get with my head and figure this problem out because Lord knows I miss my old new self!
When I was 400something.....I was a confident person. I really thought I could conquer the world. No joke. Size did not matter. I was loved by all that knew me. But was often looked at by those didn't as the fat girl until they got to know me. Then they loved me too. Well..maybe.
As I started loosing weight, my confidence grew even more. Actually I think it changed. I was confident, proud, had a sparkle, sassy....all of the above but in a different way. So now here I am gaining weight as I type(probably). As I have gained weight, I don't have the big girl confidence that I once did or the confidence I gained as I lost weight. I didn't know what being smaller was really like. And well now I do...I like the smaller version of me. I will never be the confident big girl because I want to be the smaller self assured La.
I often sit and think about where where my motivation and security are that I had before. It feels lost. I lay in bed at night and pray that I wake up the next morning ready to conquer it. I don't want to wait to Monday. But then I wake up and its not there.
Will I ever get to that 175 pounds that I was so close to getting too. Realize that I less than 100 pounds to getting there. I think I feel more overwhelmed trying to get to the goal now than I did when I at my largest. Why? Because now I fight a different fight. A fight against myself, against arthritis, against weight, against emotions, against what?

Is it physical, emotional, or really is it a spiritual fight? I believe it's spiritual. As I write this I think about the verse...Ephesians 6:12......For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

So I got out my Life Application Bible to read and see how it explains this verse. Well it sent me to 1 Peter 5:8 ..... and all I could think was about "a roaring lion" actually there's more....
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

The explanation for this.....Lions attack sick, young, or straggling animals,; they choose victims who are alone or not alert. Peter warns us to watch out for Satan when we are suffering or not alert. Feeling alone(check), weak(check), helpless(check), and cut off from other believers(sometimes), so focused on our troubles that we forget to watch for danger.

So what to do during these times of suffering...what do to what to do! Well on the next verse...James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
I'm not a big fan of the Message but I love this...So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. James 4:7

Final word. In closing...ha ha! Been in church a long time!

Flee the devil. Say NO. Focus on God. Keep your eyes on him and not the suffering. Don't submit to circumstances, but submit to the Lord who is still in control!