Old things pass away...behold everything new

One more note...

It is so hard to say goodbye sometimes. It can be a struggle. I guess I just have to remember the good and say goodbye to the bad. And look forward to the new in the new year. Old things pass away behold everything new.

New goals for a new year

Today is the last day of this year. What a year it has been. There has been some note worthy things to remember.

One of unbelievable things that happened this year was my little brother getting married. It was a shock. OK the shock was that he asked Kelly and set the date for two weeks later. Yes two weeks. I was upset at first. Not because they were getting married. I wanted them to. It was because he wanted to get married on the weekend that I had a trip planned. But was okay because I love them both. It was a beautiful ceremony.

Another unbelievable thing that happened was that I flew to DC to spend a week with Joe, Janie, and Eli. It was fabulous. I loved it. Several months ago I would have never even considered flying. I guess because I was afraid. Afraid of my size. Afraid of not fitting into a space. Afraid of many things that a normal sized person would not consider. Afraid. But the day I left I was so excited and not scared at all. At the time, I had lost about 70 or 80 pounds. I really think that Mother, Daniel, Jason were more afraid than I was. I cannot wait for April when I take my ANNUAL trip to see Janie, Joe, and Eli.

I had to edit my writing today because I forgot something that happened that was very important. I walked a 5K. It was fabulous. When Jennifer asked me to do it, I was not even hesitant. I mainly wanted to walk to bring honor to Steve. I know that he would have been proud of me. I also walked because I could walk. I knew that I could do it. I kinda questioned that I could do it when it hit the second mile BUT I had a fantastic cheer team that inspired me to go on.. We did it. We made it through the first, second, and third mile. We did not skip corners, blocks, or steps. We were not first or even in the middle. We were last. But next year we will be in the middle. We will finish. I will finish. One day we will run and finish!

Something else happened too. My life took an upward turn. I know I lost 100 pounds (duh) but that is just the physical change. I look back at the pictures and I don't remember that I even looked that way. I have had so many people say that to me. "I don't remember you looking like that." I was talking to a friend the other day. She said that I was just me. You know big, medium, or small...just me.

I sometimes worry about what I will look like and be like when I get to my goal. Sometimes I am afraid. What will I be like? I really hope that I am me, wonderful me, HA, just the best me that God designed me to be..inside and out.

I didn't make any resolutions for 2008 and I am not going to make any for 2009. I am going to make goals. My goal for 2009 is to lose an ADDITIONAL 100 pounds. I cannot wait. I look forward to a new year with a new goal. I look forward to new adventures and new things. I look forward to finding the new me in 2009.

I was going to wait

I could not wait anymore.

I love commercials. Hallmark. You know the ones that make you tear up. Do you remember the one where Poppa learns to read? Avery was singing "Hello happiness, bye bye nastiness, Give Seabond a try." How about the Folgers commercial. I love the old classic ..."Peter." Commercials can really get to you.

I have to admit with the cable world as it is..DVR. I record almost everything and forward it thru the commercials. I still watch television occasionally, live. Today is one of those days. I am watching and wrapping. Watching NCIS and wrapping presents. It is live.

You know what I noticed? Lose weight. Try this. Succeed today. Start today. Our program works the best. Have you seen all the commercials about losing weight?

Here's a few. I have changed the names for privacy. HA!

Gut tie - we're here to help you. So you are going to come home with me and fix my meals and make sure I am eating healthy?

Fatfast - take the guess work out of dieting. Guess what? I know the healthy from unhealthy?

Enemy - fine print - sensible diet. Isn't that we need to do in the first place - be sensible?

Penny Meg - it will change your life!

I use Weight Watcher. It also has commercials that get to you.

The thing is how many of these programs are out there. So many things are out there to help us lose weight, get healthy. It seems that they are really showing up here close to the new year. What comes at the beginning of every new year? RESOLUTIONS! What is America's #1 resolution? I decided to google it. Guess what it was? Getting healthy!

I, too, have made resolutions every year and I break them. Actually, for the year 2008, I didn't resolve to lose weight. I just did it. It did come the first day of the new year but it wasn't something I wrote down and tried to hold to. I actually wasn't even that committed until a few days or week later.

Here comes the new year. Guess what I don't have to make a resolution again this year. I don't have to say this is the year. I have already started on that journey.
Here's my resolution: I resolve to get closer to my goal weight than I was last year. Wow. I can do that!

Girl's Night Out

I had to somehow persuade our girls to learn a "dance" to participate in the adult choir cantata. It would be silly comstumes and practice. The bribe? We could have a girl's night out at my house. If they did it, they could come and stay at my house and PARTY. That was 3 years , lots of sleepless nights, giggles, and tears ago.
Somehow the GNO's have come down to a few. There have been some to come and some to go. We are not an exclusive club. Even though some might think that. It's just that we are a close knit group...we have been thru so many things together. We have traveled many miles together. We have laughed so hard...well....we almost....
Diana and I have had the priviledged of ...I would say...mold these girls. We love them as if they were our own little sisters! Their parents have...for some reason...entrusted them at different times to us.
Let me introduce you to them...
Rachel....she is so special! She is our youngest. She will forever be twelve. She is our one that is full of herself yet is so loving! She is going to be America's Next Top Model.

Hilary....she is quiet...most of the time. She is so sweet. She is a extraordinary young lady.

Sarah..she is so funny. We love to see her get excited. Although..no one wants to wake her up. She is an amazing young lady.

Ashley...2 Luke...a blondie...she is compassionate. She has a sweet spirit. She is a dazzling young lady.

Alyssa...Boy....she is such a little Mama. She is a mess. She keeps up stirred up...picking and playing. She is a joy!

Kylie...our grownup college girl. Please do not give her sweet tea. She is fantastic.

Jordan...my darling. I have definitly known her the longest. She is just great.

The girls are always trying to figure out who I love the most. HMMMM....I love them all the same. Each one special for their own reason and personality.

What do they have to do with my weight lost journey? They love me for me. No matter what size I am they love me. They all support me in my journey in different ways. From hugs to words, they support me. These girls inspire me each day to work hard to reach my goals.

I told the girls the other day that after Rachel and Ashley graduate that we will not have gno's anymore. I will be retired. Their response? Can we have college girl's night out? Well....

PARTY PARTY PARTY!

OK...I had someone fuss a little at me because I am behind on my blog. So here I am....

The last few weeks I have been struggling!! WANNA KNOW WHY?
How many parties or celebrations have I had....Let me list....
1. Thanksgiving Day
2. Ladies' Christmas Party
3. Jason W's Ordination
4. The birth of the twins ...we went to Shreveport twice and ate out.
5. School Christmas Party for the Children....don't forget this includes.....Santa Cake, Little Debbie Trees, Traina's Cookies, M & M cookies, candy, Chocolate Santa's with marshmallow....this is not a complete list...there is more but too long to list.....OH YEAH...gifts from parents.....CHOCOLATE AND MORE CHOCOLATE.
6. Faculty and Staff Christmas party....we will graze from 1:00 until.....
7. Church supper
8. Girls Night out Christmas
9. Christmas with Mother and Brothers
10. Christmas Eve at Mam-maw's
11. Christmas Day at Mother's with Kennedy's
AGAIN THIS IS NOT A COMPLETE LIST!!!!!!

OK my conclusion? Whoever said that we should eat for a day not a season is unrealistic. They apparently have no family, no friends, no church family, no job, no LIFE! Get real. From Thanksgiving to NYE's is a constant party...it is seems there is more food and more calories in those few weeks than all year long. But it's OK because I have lost 100 plus pounds and I can make it through this season...HEY....I look forward to 2009.

Get up, dust off, and refocus!

I am finding it hard to stay on track during the holiday season. I have already attended 2 parties this week. It is hard to stay within points with all that holiday food. But I am not going backwards. I going to keep remembering how far I have come. I am ready for the new year.

I want you to hear something from me. I know how hard it is to lose weight. I have fought it my entire life. I am going to fight it for a long time. My motto when I started was BE SELFISH. I had to be selfish. I knew that if I wanted to live a full life, I was going to have to make a decision to change my lifestyle.. I have heard all the talks. I have been given all the pep talks. I had to realize that I wanted to live a long healthy life. I want to be able to see my nieces and nephews graduated high school. I want to get married and have a baby. I want to be the best me God intended and designed me to be. You know it is not about being skinny. It is about being healthy!

If I was totally honest with everyone and myself, I have been REALLY off. I have resorted back to some of my previous habits. I really don't like it. People keep telling me how I have inspired them and how great I am doing. I know that I have done well.

But right now I feel like I have let myself down and all the others that have said how proud of me they are. During the day Saturday, I went and laid down. I guess I am feeling depressed. I have to get up off my bottom , dust off, and refocus!

Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway. John Wayne

Whew!

My new Weight Watcher magazine came in this week. It stated that most Americans gain on average only ONE TO TWO POUNDS. WHEW! But it did say that "rather than the holiday as a day of excess, most American view the season as a 5 or 6 week opportunity to overeat."
I am going to try and change my view and focus.



Thanksgiving, I am going to focus on what I am thankful for. Super family, good friends, a fantastic church family, a successful year....
Christmas will be about the real reason....Jesus' birth.

I pray that we focus being thankful for what we have and what we have been given.

7 to 10 Pounds

7 to 10 pounds....I GOOGLED how much weight a person gains over the holiday season! From Thanksgiving to New Year's Eve.... 7 to 10.

That is not going to be me. I am determined to maintain or lose weight through the holidays. I am not going to be the average American.

I don't know how it is at everybody elses' house but at my house there is food out all day long! We wait until everyone gets there, then we eat. Round 1 starts around 12:30. Then more people come in and Round 2 starts. Round 3 continues after more family arrives. The family ends up eating all day. I know that I cannot do that.

I have to make some conscious food choices. I am going to eat lots of green...less ham. One trip and one desserts. I am not going but one round. Then after I eat I am getting out of the house and walk! We are going to my uncles. He has a looooong driveway. I may need to walk it more than one time.

I know that I can do this.



7 “Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid nor dismayed....................................................... for there are more with us than with him. 2 Chronicles 32:7

Taco Bell, KFC, or Subway!

Tonight was Weight Watchers Night. I usually go on Tuesdays but decided to give myself a few extra days to get back on track. I was really excited to think that I had done well. Thinking was my problem. I exercised everyday at Curves this week. I drank water and ate right.
There are a few tricks I try on weigh in day....
1. Light weight clothes...black shorts, T-shirt, and flip flops. Cold don't matter!
2. No water after 3. Pick back up after weigh in.
3. Always always try to go to the bathroom.
I did all those things. So when I got on the scales, I thought ok I've done reasonable well this week...considering the last few weeks have been off! When Mary wrote my weight down, it was only .8 down. You see I gained .6 last week. So that means I only lost .2!!!! Ugh.
I held myself together. I wanted to start boo hooing! Cry and Cry and Cry! But Mary gave me a pep talk and I held it together. I was mad, upset, indifferent...all in about 5 minutes.
When I got to the truck, I still felt the need to cry but I didn't. I called my mom..she was on the phone with Ms. Helen. She was no help. Then my mind started to wonder as I left Ruston. It went right to food. I started thinking ok I can eat whatever I want. I could head to Taco Bell for some Meximelts or Cheeseroll Ups. I could head to KFC for some Original recipe chicken with a biscuit. OR I could go all the way across town(I was trying to get to the ballgame on time) to Subway to eat a much healthier sandwich. I decided to pass the first two and go to Subway even though I didnt want to drive across town.
Then out of the blue I saw the other Subway. Yeah...God is good. I pulled the drive thru, ordered by roasted chicken sandwhich with lettuce tomato, a little cheese, mayo, honey mustard, and onions. Really it was good.
Tonight I made a good choice but I don't always make the best choice. I look forward to the new morning God gives each day!

I think I can I think I can

There are still good times to be had....but right now the times are hard. Sometimes life is a struggle. Sometimes it is hard to keep going and stay on track. I am going through one of those times in life.

Someone asked me about a month or two after I started if I ever cheated. I was really upset. I could not believe she was asking me that! Some people are just not supportive! I was so proud of me and the efforts I made to be healthy and stay on task. And NO I had not cheated. If you asked me that question today, I couldn't' lie. I have cheated. Cheating on my points, cheated myself by not exercising!

The last few weeks have been very hard for me. I have made some really bad choices....really not making good choices!! I have been trying to get back on track but it is so hard. I have been told not to go back. No worries..I am not going back but I just can't seem to go forward. It is like I am stalled.

I tell myself all the time I have lost 107 pounds in 10 months. That is huge. But I have more miles to go, more pounds to lose. I keep giving myself a pep talk. You can do it, you have done well, you are going to continue to do well, you come a long way!

I think I can I think I can....remember The Little Engine That Could?

There was a train that needed help getting over the mountain but no one wanted to help. Only the little blue engine was willing to take on the big task, while saying I think I can I think I can...but he overcame a seemingly impossible task.

Looking at my task, it seems an impossible task. But I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN....a lot of people think I can...my whole gang. So my new motto.... I know I can, I know I can.

I know I can do it with His help. Before my feet hit the floor every day, I will pray that He will help me through the rough patches . I will ask that He would help me make the best choices and you know what?

I KNOW HE CAN! I KNOW HE CAN!

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

There will be gains!

Ok so I have been on the program for 11 months. And yes there has been some gains. The first time I gained...it was .8...not a big deal. I handled it. It was after 11 weeks. The next week I lost 5 pounds.

Then 8 weeks later...I gained 2 pounds. It was terrible. Diana came in after me and when she asked me how I did...I began to cry. IN THE MEETING. It was awful. Ms. Barbara tried to make it better but I was really upset. I know the others thought I was a little off. Diana laughed at me because I was so upset. (She really is a great friend...she is the reason I got started! She wasn't being mean...she thought I over reacting!) After the meeting, Ms. Mary(WW secretary) and Ms. Barbara(WW leader) felt really sorry for me. They hugged me and told me I could do it! It was a small setback and I had come so far. They really encouraged me that night.

I don't know why this was such a big thing. I had gained once before. But 2 pounds!!!! Silly me I had already lost 76 pounds. I was so afraid that I might go backwards! I had worked so hard in those 5 months...I was having a break down.

That night it was a break down but it was actually a break through too. I don't know when I did it ......but I decided that it was ok. It was a gain but the not the end. I realized there were going to be gains but it didnt matter. I had already been successful. I knew why I had gained and needed to move on from there. The next day was a start over.

You know...the gain was not the real problem. It was the reason I gained. Getting to the bottom of weight gain is so important. Not enough exercise, too much food, not enough water, eating too late....factors that really matter.

I have gained again since then...one time it was 5 pounds!....but I try to handle it in a different way..than tears. Oh it upsets me but now I have to think about what I am doing. I have to change the behavior that caused the gain.

Being healthy and maintaining a healthy weight is going to be a lifetime challenge. I have to know that I have a ways to go and there will be ups and downs. But I am going to try and have more downs than ups.

How hard has it been and F-O-X?

The question I get asked a good bit is Has it been hard? It has been easy. I have a serious motto. The motto actually came from a inspirational talk that I had with Aunt Jackie a long time. Except then I would not listen to her. Be selfish. How? Make choices that were best for me. I had to be selfish so that I could become healthy. OH YEAH I want to look good and be America's Next Top Model...but I want to live. I want to live and have a long happy healthy life.

I think the main reason that it has been easy is because of the prayers and support of family and friends. Family family, school family, church family. I probably have more family than anyone in J'boro. I never realized how many people were worried and concerned for me. People who never told me but I had an influence on them. People who never said a word began to comment on how they were proud of me and that I could do it.

*Footnote* I am not wanting to point anybody out because I don't want to leave any supporters out. BUT I do want to share stories of how God different people to help me succeed.

Candy Fox---Candi is my prayer warrior. When I started, she was there quietly supporting me. Loving me for me, yet praying for me to change and become the best that God designed me to be.

Back when I first started, we would go every Monday and every Tuesday my friends at school would wait for me to announce what I had lost. No matter what I lost or gained...Candi was always encouraging me to keep going. The first Monday night I weighed Candi was home with her husband Steve eating supper. They had prayed and blessed the food and had began to eat when she realized she had not prayed for me on my first weigh day. She started praying right then. I think Steve thought she was losing it.

The God thing ---we figured I was weighing in and she was praying at the same time! I had a good first week. I lost 10.8 my first week! Even though I don't get to see or talk to Candi every day,I know she still prays for me. Candi has been a good friend and a big supporter!

God is good all the time...All the time God is good.

First weigh in and Dear Abby

So I would be blogging all day for the next month if I tried to talk about all the things that have happened since I started losing weight. I just going to hit the highlights.

I think everyone starts January with a New Year's Resolution. I am the first to say that I have been one of those. I am going to lose weight. I am going to read my Bible more. I am going to... Beginning this new year, I made no resolutions. I just started the year.

I am not one to read my horoscope but I do love Dear Abby. And right next to Dear Abby was the horoscope. So I peeked. "You know what you are doing, and you've set a nice standard of forward movement. Aggressive or eager moves only mess with your momentum. Steady wins the race. Continue in your patience, gracious manner." Did I tell you this was published the week after my first weigh in?

Diana and I arrived at Weight Watchers January 7th, 2008. I was worried about weigh in. If you have never been significantly overweight you won't understand. I didn't know how much I weighed or how much the scales would hold. But I went and got on! Hallelujah! It weighed me and did not break. (This was not my first weigh in at WW but I was at my biggest!)

I wish I could remember what the Ms. Barbara (you will hear more about her later) talked about but I have not clue. I just remember thinking I am the biggest one here. I have so much to lose. My weight was the highest I think it had every been. I am going to die a young death. I am going to leave my family and friends. I am never going to get married and have children. I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind.

That Monday night my life changed.

October 2007

October 2007

This is my class field trip to the Pumpkin Patch. Where are my eyes? Look at the sunglasses.

October 2008

This is October 2008. I have eyes! Notice the sunglasses. Same field trip different year.

The beginning - the best place to start.

I should have started this in January when I started my journey. But maybe I can catch up all the things that have happened in the last 10 and 1/2 months.

I will start at the beginning...
January 1st 2008. The girls - my girls from church - came over after the church's watch night service on New Years. They stayed the night and all the next day.....let me remember who was here....Alyssa, Sarah, Jordan, Rachel, Hilary, Ashley, Abbie, Diana....I don't remember anybody else. We stayed in our pj's all day, ate junk and watched all the Love Come Softly DVDs. Like 5 of them! The girls went home at different times throughout the day. There were a few left at 8 the next next day - the first day of the new year - Abbie, Diana, Ashley, and Sarah. I was really ready for them to go. They had been there all day and I was ready to have my house back. I REALLY LOVE THEM!
OK...so somehow we ended watching the Biggest Loser Friends. If you have watched Biggest, you know that the contestants go through certain competitions. This particular night the challenge was for the teams of 2 people carry a hot air balloon(small scale - no basket) attached to them the length of a football field. These people were hurting...they were pushing hard to win. I told Diana that we should go on there. She agreed with me but Sarah had a different opinion. She said "you (talking about Diana) can't do it. You would quit." I helped the with the word determination. Diana was appalled!

So this began the discussion!!! We decided we would try our own Biggest Loser with teams and prizes. Our teams would be Diana & Ashley. Then it would be me, Sarah(of course - because Diana had no determination) & Abbie. Sarah would be my encourager and Abbie the personal trainer. Diana suggested we start Weight Watchers. I relunctantly agreed. Outwardly I agreed but on the inside I had my doubts. My thoughts were ok we will try it AGAIN. I even tried to get Diana to start later than she wanted but she would not have it. We had to start the next Monday. One week later we were sitting in Weight Watchers.

My reality hit when I got on the scales. Ok here it goes...I am going to let you know how much I weighed....436... yep....me too. I had gotten there. Ok, you are probably saying "I wouldn't dare post what I weigh" ME either then but I am far from that weight and I am headed to a new healthier weight and am not going back. So goodbye 436. And hello new me.