Saturday, October 17, 2015

The weight of the WORLD

Last week something happened to me that hurt me.  Deeply. A friend would correct me by saying "you allowed" it to hurt you.  Whatever way you say it.... words hurt.

What words?

You are fat.

I was told I was fat.  I didn't need to be told that because I wear the weight every day.  I see myself in the mirror everyday.  I know what the scales say every day. Someone stepped in and said hey we are big women we know that we are what we are.

"After those words, I started eating healthy and exercising and getting healthy." NO I CAN NOT SAY THAT I DID.   I didn't.

Tag: Planet Earth Wallpapers, Images, Photos, Pictures and Backgrounds ...I did go to the doctor for other reasons. Besides weight.    Where yet another discussion about it was had.   It was one of kindness, concern, and love.  The conversation that I've had is the same as the one I've had with every one of doctors, nurse practitioners, friends, family.  You have to do this.  You have to get healthy.

I know what healthy feels like. I've been there. I know what heavy feels like.  Been there. Done that.  I know what the weight of the world feels like too.  I'm there.  It is heavier now because I know what healthy feels like.

I have joined a weight loss challenge group.
I love honesty.

I want to be ready.  I'm not.  My doctor wants me to see a dietitian.  I'm not all in.  People from everywhere want me to eat right and exercise. I know.  Its not that I don't want to be healthy or skinny.  I'm scared. 

I'm scared.  Scared of what?

Working really hard to lose a significant about of weight and gaining it back.  Fighting everyday to lose and then BAM! something happens and it creeps back up.  I really thought I had it together 2X.  2X  2X
 Nope.  Gained it back.  Not all but most.  I'm not afraid that I can't do it.  I'm afraid that I will work very hard and see success and then "re-collapse". Yeah that's not a word.

Relapse.  Like a drug addict or an alcoholic.  Back to the old ways.

 Re-collapsing scares me.

I have to think what will be different about this time. Prior-knowledge of previous attempts?

Even though all the fretting, anxiety, fears, tears....I know what has to be done.

What you ask?

I have to put on my big girl panties and just do it.
 Forget all the negative.  That's Satan.  He will do his best to take hold of our minds and fill it with nonsense.   I need to fill my mind up on good things. The Bible speaks of that...
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I will set my mind on these things as I start my journey to get right. Hold on tight to His promises.


To be continued.....

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