Diagnosis. I cried all afternoon knowing that I finally had an answer. It was shock, concern, and a big WHY all rolled into one.
That was almost the end of November. I would love to say I started medicine, I got better, and started back on my weight loss journey. Well it didn't happen like that.
It went more like this. I started medicine. I started improving slowly. Physically a inch by inch. Emotionally still down. I was still fighting. My weight began to steadily increase. By this time I had probably gained 40 maybe more pounds.
Over the next few months I was better but not completely good. I could function but only with arthritis medicine. The only fight I had in me was to fight the pain, there was nothing left to fight the weight. It was so much easier to grab something because I literally did not feel like cooking. If I did cook it was not healthy, it was quick and easy. This caused more weight gain. Then on top of all of it, emotionally broke down from the pain, not being able to do like I had before and other things missing from my life, I ate. I found comfort in food. Its not something I'm proud of or like to admit. But its the truth.
I found I was headed back to a life of unhealthy foods and no exercise instead of the things I has once craved like healthy foods and working out.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Feed back
Just a little side note. If you are reading my blog could you just let me know on FB or on here. I know I know I'm quirky but I just have the need to know if anyone is reading so I can continue on......
Thanks!
Thanks!
TerribleHorrible No Good Very Bad Season!
Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.......the day my mother had to help me get undressed. Thinking back this had to be the worse day. It was a Wednesday. I went to church. By this time, I had a terrible rash on my stomach. No actually horrible. I would show anyone. All my medical friends and non-medical friends. I wanted someone to diagnosis the problem so I could get better. No one could tell me.
My tummy was awful and I could hardly move. I wanted to scream. Cry. I did. A LOT. Usually everyday in the recliner at home after a long hard day.
My emotional state was at an all time low. No one could ask me how I was doing because all you would get was a cry. My mother decided she needed to come over and stay the night with me. That night between the physical and emotional pain I could not stop crying. I couldn't get my clothes off. Mother had to help me get in the bed.
I believe this was about a week before the first doctor couldn't find anything.
Back to that day....
After the doctor called, I was very upset. Mother decided to call Aunt Jackie. She recommended a doctor in Ruston. I called and he saw me that day.
I'm not sure what Dr. Wood thought about me this day. I cried so hard. I told him everything. Start to finish. He was kind and he listened.
Over the next couple of weeks I had an MRI. It showed arthritis. WOW. That's what wrong. I heard it but didn't really believe that's all it could be. How I suddenly over a month and 1/2 could I have gotten that down because of arthritis. But with this answer came medicine. This medicine began to help somewhat....functioning but not back to where I use to be.
Remember I said that my stomach was broke out. It only got worse. About three weeks after the diagnosis of arthritis, I took a trip to the er. My aunt jack was working and the er doctor checked it out. I believe they were both shocked. The next day I went back to see Dr. Wood.
He looked at me. Then ask to allow his colleague in. OF COURSE! I need help. They looked at me then looked at each other. I was listening as they discussed. The other doctor ask...have you had any muscle or joint pain. Yes. That's why I came in originally. More discussion between doctors. Then Dr. Wood looks at me and says you have..........psoriatic arthritis.
My tummy was awful and I could hardly move. I wanted to scream. Cry. I did. A LOT. Usually everyday in the recliner at home after a long hard day.
My emotional state was at an all time low. No one could ask me how I was doing because all you would get was a cry. My mother decided she needed to come over and stay the night with me. That night between the physical and emotional pain I could not stop crying. I couldn't get my clothes off. Mother had to help me get in the bed.
I believe this was about a week before the first doctor couldn't find anything.
Back to that day....
After the doctor called, I was very upset. Mother decided to call Aunt Jackie. She recommended a doctor in Ruston. I called and he saw me that day.
I'm not sure what Dr. Wood thought about me this day. I cried so hard. I told him everything. Start to finish. He was kind and he listened.
Over the next couple of weeks I had an MRI. It showed arthritis. WOW. That's what wrong. I heard it but didn't really believe that's all it could be. How I suddenly over a month and 1/2 could I have gotten that down because of arthritis. But with this answer came medicine. This medicine began to help somewhat....functioning but not back to where I use to be.
Remember I said that my stomach was broke out. It only got worse. About three weeks after the diagnosis of arthritis, I took a trip to the er. My aunt jack was working and the er doctor checked it out. I believe they were both shocked. The next day I went back to see Dr. Wood.
He looked at me. Then ask to allow his colleague in. OF COURSE! I need help. They looked at me then looked at each other. I was listening as they discussed. The other doctor ask...have you had any muscle or joint pain. Yes. That's why I came in originally. More discussion between doctors. Then Dr. Wood looks at me and says you have..........psoriatic arthritis.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Next Chapter
If you an still reading...on to the next chapter of my journey.
After my wild experience at church, I cannot tell you how stressed I stayed. Some of you who are reading this may say really? Yes really. Only a few friends knew how stressed I was. I was constantly worried about passing out again. I worried because there was no specific medical reason lets give her some medicine, lets do this or that to prevent it from happening again. So panic, anxiety, whatever the word set in. I was afraid it would happen again in church, at school, driving, with friends. It was so nerve racking! Emotionally straining and draining.
For two weeks, it stayed this way.
Then something else began stressing me....pain in my shoulder blade on my right side. Oh my gracious. One morning I just woke up in pain. At first I thought I was sleeping wrong. Then maybe pleurisy. Except it starting getting worse. The pain was in my back, then it hit my shoulder. It was all I could do to get up. Take a ibuprofen. Get to work. Make it through the day. I began to believe that maybe I had hurt my back sometime during all my days of working out! I just thought the pain was bad. Looking back now the pain went from bad to worse to severe over night. I went from the pain in my back to pain from my head to my toes.
I had to pray every morning....Lord help me get out of bed today because if you don't I can't. I couldn't move my neck side to side. I could not raise my right arm. My legs were stiff. My feet hurt. It was the most horrible pain. I went from being able to workout like a 2o something young long to a person with years of wear and tear on their body.
I went to visit a local doctor. Actually I went more than one time and each and every time.....nothing. She could find nothing. She couldn't figure it out. I had x-rays done. I had lab work done. Exams. No answers!
The final straw....the nurse calls....we found nothing. Silence. Me...well? Nurse...hold on. Nurse....the doctor says we can refer you to an orthopedic doctor. OK thanks. Hello...you are my doctor. You are letting me go and you cannot give me answer or the next step. Where do I go? What do I do? Why is this happening! I got so mad. My poor Mother. She got the kick of my meanness. I was so upset. I was crying. I knew something was wrong. So many thoughts went through my head. So many questions with no answers.
Let me catch you up where I was in my life.
physically....broken
emotionally....shattered
spiritually......let down and desperate
It felt like my world was crashing down. My health had been stolen. My once carefree loving spirit gone. Sparkle gone. Spiritually there were so many questions.
Many days were filled with the struggle to just survive.
And the weight was starting to come back......one more stress factor.
More to come......
After my wild experience at church, I cannot tell you how stressed I stayed. Some of you who are reading this may say really? Yes really. Only a few friends knew how stressed I was. I was constantly worried about passing out again. I worried because there was no specific medical reason lets give her some medicine, lets do this or that to prevent it from happening again. So panic, anxiety, whatever the word set in. I was afraid it would happen again in church, at school, driving, with friends. It was so nerve racking! Emotionally straining and draining.
For two weeks, it stayed this way.
Then something else began stressing me....pain in my shoulder blade on my right side. Oh my gracious. One morning I just woke up in pain. At first I thought I was sleeping wrong. Then maybe pleurisy. Except it starting getting worse. The pain was in my back, then it hit my shoulder. It was all I could do to get up. Take a ibuprofen. Get to work. Make it through the day. I began to believe that maybe I had hurt my back sometime during all my days of working out! I just thought the pain was bad. Looking back now the pain went from bad to worse to severe over night. I went from the pain in my back to pain from my head to my toes.
I had to pray every morning....Lord help me get out of bed today because if you don't I can't. I couldn't move my neck side to side. I could not raise my right arm. My legs were stiff. My feet hurt. It was the most horrible pain. I went from being able to workout like a 2o something young long to a person with years of wear and tear on their body.
I went to visit a local doctor. Actually I went more than one time and each and every time.....nothing. She could find nothing. She couldn't figure it out. I had x-rays done. I had lab work done. Exams. No answers!
The final straw....the nurse calls....we found nothing. Silence. Me...well? Nurse...hold on. Nurse....the doctor says we can refer you to an orthopedic doctor. OK thanks. Hello...you are my doctor. You are letting me go and you cannot give me answer or the next step. Where do I go? What do I do? Why is this happening! I got so mad. My poor Mother. She got the kick of my meanness. I was so upset. I was crying. I knew something was wrong. So many thoughts went through my head. So many questions with no answers.
Let me catch you up where I was in my life.
physically....broken
emotionally....shattered
spiritually......let down and desperate
It felt like my world was crashing down. My health had been stolen. My once carefree loving spirit gone. Sparkle gone. Spiritually there were so many questions.
Many days were filled with the struggle to just survive.
And the weight was starting to come back......one more stress factor.
More to come......
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Lyrics to Sing over your Children Matt Maher
I have listened to this song over and over again. It is number 3 on the Alive Again CD. This has been my go to song recently. I'm not even sure why. Something about the words heal and comfort my weariness.
I flirt with the world
It steals my love for You
My fear grips my faith
And I am left unmoved
Your gaze stops my heart
Your voice fills the dark
Your love is the spark that lights this life
So we rise
Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children
You quiet the storm
Inside my shipwrecked soul
Your spirit will lead
It calls the wayward home
At the sound of Your name
Our sin is washed away
In Christ we're crucified
In You we die, in You we rise
Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children
Let us see through Your eyes
We are Your great delight
Father You sing
Father, You sing over Your children
And we're singing along
Your daughters and sons
We're singing Your song
We are Your children
Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children
I flirt with the world
It steals my love for You
My fear grips my faith
And I am left unmoved
Your gaze stops my heart
Your voice fills the dark
Your love is the spark that lights this life
So we rise
Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children
You quiet the storm
Inside my shipwrecked soul
Your spirit will lead
It calls the wayward home
At the sound of Your name
Our sin is washed away
In Christ we're crucified
In You we die, in You we rise
Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children
Let us see through Your eyes
We are Your great delight
Father You sing
Father, You sing over Your children
And we're singing along
Your daughters and sons
We're singing Your song
We are Your children
Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children
gloom, despair, & agony!
On the the gloom, despair, and agony part of this story.....
Remember the three antibiotics, a shot, and a tooth pulled and four days later.
That Sunday morning, October 4th 2010, was no different than any other Sunday morning. I got up, sat in the recliner, probably checked my facebook, ate breakfast, raced to church to get to Sunday School because I was teaching the youth that morning. You know normal for me. I don't remember what I had for breakfast, what time I got up, or what my status was that day but I do remember what happened about 11:34 that morning.
I was in my usually spot. On the fourth pew sitting with my Pro-Zack and AJ. Usually I sit between them but this particular Sunday it was AJ, Pro, then me. On the other side of me was a cousin of one our youth. Her first time at EBC. Yep...first time! Song service. Fine. Offertory. Fine. Fellowship. Fine. Good special. Fine. Guest speaker was there that day. BR549 was there but not preaching. I remember paying attention to him. I could even remember some of the things he was saying. I could hear him. I see him. I see BR sitting there. And there's Prozack, AJ, Diana over there, Jeff, Brett, I see Billy and Suzonne. Wait something is not right. I see everyone but there is something wrong. My ears are making a strange noise. What's he saying? Huh? I can't hear....
Me...Zack. I think I'm going to pass out.
Zack.....What?
Me....Zack I think Im going to pass out.
Me...leaning heavily on Zack...
Zack...what do you want me to do?
Me...Get my momma(don't forget Im on fourth pew. Mother second pew from back)
Zack to AJ....LL is going to pass out.
AJ...WHAT!
Zack....LL is going to pass out get her mother.
Me sees AJ get up and walk.
Me to Pat(in front of me) I need help I'm going to pass out.
Me passing out in Zacks lap!
Side note.....Now Zack will not sit by me in church or at least he will not sit AJ, Zack, LL
LATER....Preacher still preaching.
ME....hollering and begging...help me. something is wrong. help me.
L!et me explain how I was feeling the second I came to. I was so desperate for help. I remember my eyes being wide open. Panicked. Scared. Helpless. I needed help. I knew something was wrong and it felt like no one was working fast enough to do anything. I also remembering looking into Hero's eyes and wanting him to do something. I was clinging to Jenn Mac begging her to help. Looking into the eyes of my friends, wanting them to do something but them so desperately doing all they could to just calm me and figure it out. BTW...911 had been called by this time. People were standing praying. The preacher had stopped preaching and was praying. Everyone who had been with me was suddenly gone and a whole new set of people were there. I had my own medical team surrounding me.
(Time out.,..... You know I really believe our life without Christ is like this situation. Desperate. Sinking. Needing help.)
After a few minutes with the help of this great team and the prayers of my church family, I was able to settle down. But then all I wanted to do was walk out the back door! I asked Hero but he wouldn't let me. He said I was not walking out. So they made me ride out in a rolling office chair. Now if the passing out was not embarrassing enough. Being wheeled out in a chair topped it off!
That day I took my first ride in the ambulance. 1. I had to go potty. 2. I did not want to the emt to get blood on my dress! He did good.
I was admitted. Watched over night. Ran test. Sent to cardiologist. Stress test.
Results.....nothing. NO idea what happened. Hasn't happened again. Praying it never does.
The doctors seem to think that my body had overload. With all the medicines and tooth my body just shut down. I passed out then I panicked because it scared me so bad. There was no pin point reason to say that it happened. Not blood pressure. Not blood sugar. No explanation.
This was what I feel was the beginning of the one of the most stressful times in my life....
Remember the three antibiotics, a shot, and a tooth pulled and four days later.
That Sunday morning, October 4th 2010, was no different than any other Sunday morning. I got up, sat in the recliner, probably checked my facebook, ate breakfast, raced to church to get to Sunday School because I was teaching the youth that morning. You know normal for me. I don't remember what I had for breakfast, what time I got up, or what my status was that day but I do remember what happened about 11:34 that morning.
I was in my usually spot. On the fourth pew sitting with my Pro-Zack and AJ. Usually I sit between them but this particular Sunday it was AJ, Pro, then me. On the other side of me was a cousin of one our youth. Her first time at EBC. Yep...first time! Song service. Fine. Offertory. Fine. Fellowship. Fine. Good special. Fine. Guest speaker was there that day. BR549 was there but not preaching. I remember paying attention to him. I could even remember some of the things he was saying. I could hear him. I see him. I see BR sitting there. And there's Prozack, AJ, Diana over there, Jeff, Brett, I see Billy and Suzonne. Wait something is not right. I see everyone but there is something wrong. My ears are making a strange noise. What's he saying? Huh? I can't hear....
Me...Zack. I think I'm going to pass out.
Zack.....What?
Me....Zack I think Im going to pass out.
Me...leaning heavily on Zack...
Zack...what do you want me to do?
Me...Get my momma(don't forget Im on fourth pew. Mother second pew from back)
Zack to AJ....LL is going to pass out.
AJ...WHAT!
Zack....LL is going to pass out get her mother.
Me sees AJ get up and walk.
Me to Pat(in front of me) I need help I'm going to pass out.
Me passing out in Zacks lap!
Side note.....Now Zack will not sit by me in church or at least he will not sit AJ, Zack, LL
LATER....Preacher still preaching.
ME....hollering and begging...help me. something is wrong. help me.
L!et me explain how I was feeling the second I came to. I was so desperate for help. I remember my eyes being wide open. Panicked. Scared. Helpless. I needed help. I knew something was wrong and it felt like no one was working fast enough to do anything. I also remembering looking into Hero's eyes and wanting him to do something. I was clinging to Jenn Mac begging her to help. Looking into the eyes of my friends, wanting them to do something but them so desperately doing all they could to just calm me and figure it out. BTW...911 had been called by this time. People were standing praying. The preacher had stopped preaching and was praying. Everyone who had been with me was suddenly gone and a whole new set of people were there. I had my own medical team surrounding me.
(Time out.,..... You know I really believe our life without Christ is like this situation. Desperate. Sinking. Needing help.)
After a few minutes with the help of this great team and the prayers of my church family, I was able to settle down. But then all I wanted to do was walk out the back door! I asked Hero but he wouldn't let me. He said I was not walking out. So they made me ride out in a rolling office chair. Now if the passing out was not embarrassing enough. Being wheeled out in a chair topped it off!
That day I took my first ride in the ambulance. 1. I had to go potty. 2. I did not want to the emt to get blood on my dress! He did good.
I was admitted. Watched over night. Ran test. Sent to cardiologist. Stress test.
Results.....nothing. NO idea what happened. Hasn't happened again. Praying it never does.
The doctors seem to think that my body had overload. With all the medicines and tooth my body just shut down. I passed out then I panicked because it scared me so bad. There was no pin point reason to say that it happened. Not blood pressure. Not blood sugar. No explanation.
This was what I feel was the beginning of the one of the most stressful times in my life....
Pictures from a great summer
Sioux Falls...Guitar Center...faking it!
Best World Changers Crew Ever! Shreveport
MY BUFFALO! Michelle!
Faith's First Day of Pre-k
World Changers Birmingham!1 year 2 months!
One year and two months is how long it has been since I blogged. 1 year 2 months! So many things have changed in the last year and 2 months!
The year in review.......
I spent most May, June, and even July watching Pro-zack, AJ, Alyssa, and B.randy play coed softball and even some basketball. Watched Seth and Avery through regular season and All-stars. Avery's team went to Alexandria and took state with the 7 & 8 year old girls! Two World Changers trips in July....Shreveport and Birmingham. Then back to Sioux Falls for year 5 at the end of July! I was able to flllllyyyy to see Abs and Boom-daddy early. It was one of the best summers.
School was a mess! We had to pack up our classrooms and move to Southside. As you see from above...my summer was crazy! So when I got back from SF(two days after school started!) I had to get very busy! My classroom along with Susie's and Gayla's was in the gym! Man was it a crazy chaotic time! But thanks to a great technology headed up by a great leader....we moved in a few hours into our rooms.
WAIT...my friend Michelle threw me a birthday party! It was a surprise!
With school settled and life getting back into a routine, it was time to get off that extra 20 pounds I had put on over the summer. Yes 20 pounds! Considering I had lost 170, 20 pounds seemed like no big deal. But it was hard to get off. I tried getting back into it with no success.
I cannot remember when it started sometime around the time I started working out seriously in November of 2009. But I started having serious issues with my hair and scalp. It was thinning and I had the worse dandruff....so I thought. I went to the doctor. Medicines. Oils. Shampoos. NOTHING helped. I would go to my Sister-n-laws salon just to have them scrub my scalp. I even tried mouth wash. Yes I put Dr. Tichenor's on my raw scalp. Yes it hurt and burned. I was desperate. I also had an antibiotic.. Off and on until the about the end of September 2010 I did EVERYTHING. It was so bad and embarrassing. Writing about it now even bothers me. To understand how bad it was, someone saw it when I had it pulled up and thought I had burned my head. They were so upset. In October 2010, I went to the dermatologist. He said you have seborrheic dermatitis. Finally an answer and a shot of cortisone!
All about the same time.....about two weeks before all this.... my face started swelling. Yep an abscessed tooth. No pain just swelling. I looked terrible. Of course no one could tell but me and maybe my mother. Two antibiotics and a pulled tooth later, I was back on track. WAIT PUT ON THE BRAKES!
Let me catch you up....shot, 3 antibiotics, tooth pulled all in 2 and 1/2 weeks! Can I stressed!
Do I go on.....there's more gloom and despair and agony coming! I know I know I know but I have to tell you all of this to get you to where I am now in July 2011! More to come after I see if anyone is reading this blog again.......Next a great summer turns into a terrible fall.
The year in review.......
I spent most May, June, and even July watching Pro-zack, AJ, Alyssa, and B.randy play coed softball and even some basketball. Watched Seth and Avery through regular season and All-stars. Avery's team went to Alexandria and took state with the 7 & 8 year old girls! Two World Changers trips in July....Shreveport and Birmingham. Then back to Sioux Falls for year 5 at the end of July! I was able to flllllyyyy to see Abs and Boom-daddy early. It was one of the best summers.
School was a mess! We had to pack up our classrooms and move to Southside. As you see from above...my summer was crazy! So when I got back from SF(two days after school started!) I had to get very busy! My classroom along with Susie's and Gayla's was in the gym! Man was it a crazy chaotic time! But thanks to a great technology headed up by a great leader....we moved in a few hours into our rooms.
WAIT...my friend Michelle threw me a birthday party! It was a surprise!
With school settled and life getting back into a routine, it was time to get off that extra 20 pounds I had put on over the summer. Yes 20 pounds! Considering I had lost 170, 20 pounds seemed like no big deal. But it was hard to get off. I tried getting back into it with no success.
I cannot remember when it started sometime around the time I started working out seriously in November of 2009. But I started having serious issues with my hair and scalp. It was thinning and I had the worse dandruff....so I thought. I went to the doctor. Medicines. Oils. Shampoos. NOTHING helped. I would go to my Sister-n-laws salon just to have them scrub my scalp. I even tried mouth wash. Yes I put Dr. Tichenor's on my raw scalp. Yes it hurt and burned. I was desperate. I also had an antibiotic.. Off and on until the about the end of September 2010 I did EVERYTHING. It was so bad and embarrassing. Writing about it now even bothers me. To understand how bad it was, someone saw it when I had it pulled up and thought I had burned my head. They were so upset. In October 2010, I went to the dermatologist. He said you have seborrheic dermatitis. Finally an answer and a shot of cortisone!
All about the same time.....about two weeks before all this.... my face started swelling. Yep an abscessed tooth. No pain just swelling. I looked terrible. Of course no one could tell but me and maybe my mother. Two antibiotics and a pulled tooth later, I was back on track. WAIT PUT ON THE BRAKES!
Let me catch you up....shot, 3 antibiotics, tooth pulled all in 2 and 1/2 weeks! Can I stressed!
Do I go on.....there's more gloom and despair and agony coming! I know I know I know but I have to tell you all of this to get you to where I am now in July 2011! More to come after I see if anyone is reading this blog again.......Next a great summer turns into a terrible fall.
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