I have been stuck lately. I have had a cycle of gain then loss, then gain. then loss. Such a vicious cycle. I have struggled. I want to eat good stuff not stuff good for me. Today I emailed my first (let me say outstanding) Weight Watcher leader. I basically begged her to come back and for advice to get back on track. I want to find that momentum that I had when I first started. She recommended me writing a list. So here is my list. OK it is more than one list.
List 1 - List the all the good things that have happened since I started.
1. I feel better.
2. I look better.
3. I have more confidence in reaching goals.
4. I can go into more stores and find clothes that fit.
5. I have to have a belt!
List 2 List accomplishments
1. I have lost more than 100 pounds.
2. I was brave and FLEW to see Janie.
3. I walked a 5k. Yahoo - I am going to do it again.
4. I danced at the Old Timers game. OH MY OH ME
5. No more blood pressure medicine!
6. I did it without surgery. That certain person don't have to ask my if I am going to have surgery. I can do it without surgery.
List 3 -List all the bad things that could happen if I stay off track.
1. Blood pressure could go up!
2. I could gain that 100 pounds back.
3. I would feel bad and be tired all the time.
4. I would have to face everyone who is on my side that wants me to lose weight. OUCH.
5. I could get that puffy look again.
List 4 - Final list - Setting my goal!
1. I will lose 5 pounds this week.
2. I will go to Curves every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. NO EXCUSES.
3. I will exercise during nap time at school on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
4. I will lose 20 pounds by May 1st. That is two months!!! That is 10 pounds a month.
Everyone that I know is going to need to get by my side. I need prayer. I need encouragement. I need friends. I need help. Did I mention prayer?
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Unchangeable, Unshakeable, Unstoppable That's what You Are!
I haven't been writing much lately. Believe it or not I have to feel it. You know it has to come to me. If I were writing for a living, I would starve and I mean starve. I even opened up my dashboard to get ready to write and nothing. NOTHING. NOTHING.
Then I started thinking about it came to me. Actually it happened to me.
Yesterday, I was suppose to go to my cousin's surgery at Baylor and because of a few circumstances I didn't go. I already had the day scheduled to be off, so I stayed home and washed clothes and cleaned house...oh yeah tried to watch some stories! Oh my!!! daytime television is so strange. It is not real life!
I spent the day by myself. I ran to the store at lunch because I was out of water but the rest of the day I spent alone. I am not an alone person. I like people. I like to be around people. By the day's end I was feeling the onset of depression. I don't like that feeling. I sat in my recliner and decided I had to get up, take a bath, and go to Walmart so I could see real people.
I don't really fight depression too much. Don't think I am unstable. I don't fight to get up in the morning or anything. There are only a few times that I have felt really alone. In fact, I can remember the two loneliest times in my life. One was in high school and the other was last year.
One of my hardest years in high school was 10th grade. I decided that I could have an attitude. I had attitude with my parents, friends, teachers, whoever spoke to me. I don't remember what was really going on. I don't know why exactly I going through such a change. I remember being in trouble at school more than one time. I spent several days in Mr. Anders' office. He had several talks with me. One day I stayed at home sick and he called my mother to see if I was okay. I was so mad. Now I am grateful. That was the first year I was at school without Jason. He had graduated the year before. Maybe that is why. During this time, I remember one day at home curling up in the corner of my bed and crying and crying. Until recently, I really never talked about it. Nothing had happened. I just remembered how alone I felt. Thank goodness for a living God that loves me and sent me family and friends that love me. Things got better and I got better.
The other time was last summer. The last day of summer vacation. I was at home. I sat down in the recliner and started crying. Crying and snotting. I was so upset. I felt so alone. I had a very busy summer. I had been to St. Louis, home a day, Washington, home 2 days and South Dakota. This was the day I got home from SD. I had spent 3 days by myself in 4 weeks. I was finally home and was sad. I called Pennie. I needed her to tell me ...you are tired. You had a busy summer. You are going to be ok. Tomorrow is a new day. I needed to hear those things. She told me those things. I got up and got ready and went to Walmart. Still crying but under control! The next day was Sunday. I was somewhat better. But I cried for two more days. Then it was my birthday and school started. I got better but I still remember that feeling I had.
There are so many people out there that have days, weeks, or months like my two days. I am glad to have the love of a Savior. A love from friends and family to help me get thru these tough times. When I was writing this, I remembered one of my favorite songs. Here are the words.
You are not a god Created by human hands You are not a god Dependant on any mortal man You are not a god In need of anything we can give By Your plan, that’s just the way it is
You are God alone From before time began You were on Your throne Your are God alone And right now In the good times and bad You are on Your throne You are God alone
You’re the only God Whose power none can contend You’re the only God Whose name and praise will never end You’re the only God Who’s worthy of everything we can give You are God And that’s just the way it is
Unchangeable Unshakable Unstoppable That’s what You are
Thank God He is Who He is! He holds me in His mighty hand!
Then I started thinking about it came to me. Actually it happened to me.
Yesterday, I was suppose to go to my cousin's surgery at Baylor and because of a few circumstances I didn't go. I already had the day scheduled to be off, so I stayed home and washed clothes and cleaned house...oh yeah tried to watch some stories! Oh my!!! daytime television is so strange. It is not real life!
I spent the day by myself. I ran to the store at lunch because I was out of water but the rest of the day I spent alone. I am not an alone person. I like people. I like to be around people. By the day's end I was feeling the onset of depression. I don't like that feeling. I sat in my recliner and decided I had to get up, take a bath, and go to Walmart so I could see real people.
I don't really fight depression too much. Don't think I am unstable. I don't fight to get up in the morning or anything. There are only a few times that I have felt really alone. In fact, I can remember the two loneliest times in my life. One was in high school and the other was last year.
One of my hardest years in high school was 10th grade. I decided that I could have an attitude. I had attitude with my parents, friends, teachers, whoever spoke to me. I don't remember what was really going on. I don't know why exactly I going through such a change. I remember being in trouble at school more than one time. I spent several days in Mr. Anders' office. He had several talks with me. One day I stayed at home sick and he called my mother to see if I was okay. I was so mad. Now I am grateful. That was the first year I was at school without Jason. He had graduated the year before. Maybe that is why. During this time, I remember one day at home curling up in the corner of my bed and crying and crying. Until recently, I really never talked about it. Nothing had happened. I just remembered how alone I felt. Thank goodness for a living God that loves me and sent me family and friends that love me. Things got better and I got better.
The other time was last summer. The last day of summer vacation. I was at home. I sat down in the recliner and started crying. Crying and snotting. I was so upset. I felt so alone. I had a very busy summer. I had been to St. Louis, home a day, Washington, home 2 days and South Dakota. This was the day I got home from SD. I had spent 3 days by myself in 4 weeks. I was finally home and was sad. I called Pennie. I needed her to tell me ...you are tired. You had a busy summer. You are going to be ok. Tomorrow is a new day. I needed to hear those things. She told me those things. I got up and got ready and went to Walmart. Still crying but under control! The next day was Sunday. I was somewhat better. But I cried for two more days. Then it was my birthday and school started. I got better but I still remember that feeling I had.
There are so many people out there that have days, weeks, or months like my two days. I am glad to have the love of a Savior. A love from friends and family to help me get thru these tough times. When I was writing this, I remembered one of my favorite songs. Here are the words.
You are not a god Created by human hands You are not a god Dependant on any mortal man You are not a god In need of anything we can give By Your plan, that’s just the way it is
You are God alone From before time began You were on Your throne Your are God alone And right now In the good times and bad You are on Your throne You are God alone
You’re the only God Whose power none can contend You’re the only God Whose name and praise will never end You’re the only God Who’s worthy of everything we can give You are God And that’s just the way it is
Unchangeable Unshakable Unstoppable That’s what You are
Thank God He is Who He is! He holds me in His mighty hand!
Friday, February 13, 2009
The grass is always greener...just enjoy the grass
I had a discussion with a friend today about the grass. The green grass. The grass is always greener on the other side. If I have this and you have that, I want that and you want this. HA!
I don't have kids or a husband. I want both. I want God to hurry and drop that man into my life. I want to meet and marry that man God has just for me. I want kids. I am being real honest. It bothers me sometimes when I get to thinking that all my friends have husbands, husbands/kids. I'm sure you have heard someone say...."Others have it why cannot I." " Ole' so and so have a great guy and she don't deserve him." "They don't take care of there kids....I am going to be a good Mommy....."
I have me. I have family. I love my family. I have a great family. But at the end of the day, I go home alone. Wait! Don't feel sorry for me. I have lots of family and lots of friends. I get to do whatever I want without asking or planning around them. I can go when I need to go and stay as long as I want.
OK so where does the grass thing come from. I want what others have and others want what I have. They would not give up their families. They want a few minutes by themselves. Time to take a bath without on knock on the door. Time to just sit in the recliner.
The point is that the grass is greener on the other side.
My friend make this point.
One person has a truck the other person has nothing. They would love the truck. The person with the truck looks at other person that has the bigger truck.
One person has shoes the other person has old ratty ones. The needy one would like a better pair. The first person would like the best.
See the grass is greener. I think what I need to work on along with millions of other Americans is to be content with what I have. I am blessed to have what I do. I have a house, job, food, and clothes. I may not have the best but I have what is best for me.
In Philippians, Paul talks about being content in all things in 4:10-12 but don't stop there....verse 13 says I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. So how can we be content? Focus on the 3 P's - Perspective - look what at what you have not what others have. Priorities - focus on what is really important. Power - remember you strength and contentment comes from Christ.
My grass is so green and I am enjoying every minute of it.
I don't have kids or a husband. I want both. I want God to hurry and drop that man into my life. I want to meet and marry that man God has just for me. I want kids. I am being real honest. It bothers me sometimes when I get to thinking that all my friends have husbands, husbands/kids. I'm sure you have heard someone say...."Others have it why cannot I." " Ole' so and so have a great guy and she don't deserve him." "They don't take care of there kids....I am going to be a good Mommy....."
I have me. I have family. I love my family. I have a great family. But at the end of the day, I go home alone. Wait! Don't feel sorry for me. I have lots of family and lots of friends. I get to do whatever I want without asking or planning around them. I can go when I need to go and stay as long as I want.
OK so where does the grass thing come from. I want what others have and others want what I have. They would not give up their families. They want a few minutes by themselves. Time to take a bath without on knock on the door. Time to just sit in the recliner.
The point is that the grass is greener on the other side.
My friend make this point.
One person has a truck the other person has nothing. They would love the truck. The person with the truck looks at other person that has the bigger truck.
One person has shoes the other person has old ratty ones. The needy one would like a better pair. The first person would like the best.
See the grass is greener. I think what I need to work on along with millions of other Americans is to be content with what I have. I am blessed to have what I do. I have a house, job, food, and clothes. I may not have the best but I have what is best for me.
In Philippians, Paul talks about being content in all things in 4:10-12 but don't stop there....verse 13 says I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. So how can we be content? Focus on the 3 P's - Perspective - look what at what you have not what others have. Priorities - focus on what is really important. Power - remember you strength and contentment comes from Christ.
My grass is so green and I am enjoying every minute of it.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
People are so mean
I went to a ballgame recently. The guy behind me was mouthing at the ref. It was funny because most of the time he was right. But something hit me wrong. I heard him call out some names that bothered me. He was calling one of the players a name. Then he referred to one of the refs as the fat one. That one really bothered me. By the way, I know the guy that was sitting behind me. I am not upset with him but he did get me to thinking.
I cannot tell you how many times that I had heard things, mean things said to me. I have been called names to my face and behind my back. I have been called fat, a whale, Shammou. I can tell you those things are hurtful.
I can think of different times that I really got my feelings hurt. I thank God that he has let me forget most of the hurtful things that have been said.
I cannot remember a time when I haven't had a weight problem. Elementary school was no different. I was always bigger than the other students. There was this guy that I thought was so cute. OK I was like 11. I thought he was fantastic. Until one day. We were playing around after school and he called me a water buffalo. OH YEAH! It hurt my feelings so bad. That was it. I decided to ignore him and I didn't care. That started it. I would not speak if he spoke to me. It hurt my feelings so bad. Funny thing. He told his mother I was being ugly to him! But he failed to tell her that he called me an ugly name. Shame on him. But shame on me because even after that I still thought he was cute. Ugh!
Then...in high school. I was at a local grocery store with a friends of mine. We talking and laughing with her boss the manager. Somehow the subject came up about me getting a job. His immediate comment was "she is fat." I am not talking about a child. This was an adult. ADULT in age but child in maturity. It took me a long time to even go back in. My mother and daddy did not shop in that store for a long time. I ignore him for a long time. But I have to think now that yeah I was the bigger person in that situation but not by weight.
On into college.....I was graduating from college looking for a job. At NSU, we had a teacher job fair where school systems came in and you could interview with them. Things went well that day. I interview with lots of parishes. Promising places. But one place would have had to be the last job in La for me to go to. The conversation was going pretty well when he asked me a question. I quote...So how do you think you can get up and down off the floor with those kids being that big? I was so shocked. How could a professional ask me that! He did though. Needless to say...I came back to my parish where there are people who love me for me.
Things don't change...when I first started losing weight everyone was so excited for me. But I had someone make a comment to me. I hope that they really didn't mean the way it sounded but it was hurtful. I was told that if I keep losing that then she would be the biggest one at work. It really bothered me. It was like saying you big fat thing. I think that she didn't mean it the way it came out.
So why am I talking about this now. You remember the old saying:
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words with never hurt me. Words do hurt. Wounds from sticks and stones will heal usually quickly but words hurt for a long time. Words cannot be put back in. I did a children's message one time using toothpaste. You know once you squeeze the toothpaste out, it don't go back in. The same with words. They cannot be put back in no matter how many apologies are spoken.
Be careful little words what you say because words do hurt.
I cannot tell you how many times that I had heard things, mean things said to me. I have been called names to my face and behind my back. I have been called fat, a whale, Shammou. I can tell you those things are hurtful.
I can think of different times that I really got my feelings hurt. I thank God that he has let me forget most of the hurtful things that have been said.
I cannot remember a time when I haven't had a weight problem. Elementary school was no different. I was always bigger than the other students. There was this guy that I thought was so cute. OK I was like 11. I thought he was fantastic. Until one day. We were playing around after school and he called me a water buffalo. OH YEAH! It hurt my feelings so bad. That was it. I decided to ignore him and I didn't care. That started it. I would not speak if he spoke to me. It hurt my feelings so bad. Funny thing. He told his mother I was being ugly to him! But he failed to tell her that he called me an ugly name. Shame on him. But shame on me because even after that I still thought he was cute. Ugh!
Then...in high school. I was at a local grocery store with a friends of mine. We talking and laughing with her boss the manager. Somehow the subject came up about me getting a job. His immediate comment was "she is fat." I am not talking about a child. This was an adult. ADULT in age but child in maturity. It took me a long time to even go back in. My mother and daddy did not shop in that store for a long time. I ignore him for a long time. But I have to think now that yeah I was the bigger person in that situation but not by weight.
On into college.....I was graduating from college looking for a job. At NSU, we had a teacher job fair where school systems came in and you could interview with them. Things went well that day. I interview with lots of parishes. Promising places. But one place would have had to be the last job in La for me to go to. The conversation was going pretty well when he asked me a question. I quote...So how do you think you can get up and down off the floor with those kids being that big? I was so shocked. How could a professional ask me that! He did though. Needless to say...I came back to my parish where there are people who love me for me.
Things don't change...when I first started losing weight everyone was so excited for me. But I had someone make a comment to me. I hope that they really didn't mean the way it sounded but it was hurtful. I was told that if I keep losing that then she would be the biggest one at work. It really bothered me. It was like saying you big fat thing. I think that she didn't mean it the way it came out.
So why am I talking about this now. You remember the old saying:
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words with never hurt me. Words do hurt. Wounds from sticks and stones will heal usually quickly but words hurt for a long time. Words cannot be put back in. I did a children's message one time using toothpaste. You know once you squeeze the toothpaste out, it don't go back in. The same with words. They cannot be put back in no matter how many apologies are spoken.
Be careful little words what you say because words do hurt.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Relating our lives
Yesterday I spent most of the day at home. I decided to search Weight Watchers on YouTube. I really found some interesting people. I found people who vlog, yes, vlog. Video blogging. I also found segments from national TV shows. It was all very interesting.
I watched videos most of the day. Watching these made me realize I am not alone, I can do it, and how grateful that I should be for family and friends. I am going to make some comments today that may sound judgemental. It is not intended to be. It is more about evaluating my own situation and learning from it.
I had heard about this first lady and had seen her on TV. She was on ABC Morning Show with Diana Sawyer. She is truly an inspirational story. She has lost over 500 hundred pounds. She weighed over 700 lbs. She now weights 170. She has been on Oprah. It was an amazing thing. After a birthday present from her sister, her life changed. No it wasn't a personal trainer. It was a computer; something she could put her focus on besides food. She said she had not been out of the apartment for 12 years hold. I am so glad to have friends and family that would get me out of the house after a few days. I am so glad that at my biggest I was still active. For her it was not magic diet, it was changing her focus. Her story gives me courage. I know that if a 40 something year old lady who had to 500 pounds to drop can do it so can I!
Another lady was on the Joy Fit Club. She lost 240 pounds in 18 months. She could fit her whole body into one leg of her old jeans. It was so amazing how different she looked. I see me in her because she has struggled with weight loss for a long time...since childhood. What was so interesting about her was that she became so obsessed with dieting that she became anorexic. She had to learn to quit eating the bad things and to eat enough of the good things. She is healthy now- right where she needs to be. Her story reminds me that I have to know that this has to be a lifestyle change and not a diet.
I don't know how many times I have texted Diana during a WW meeting. Mostly when a skinny girl walks in. UGH! Seriously, I know that someones 20 extra pounds is as hard to lose as my 200 pounds I need to shed. NO fear! I did find a girl who has a YouTube vlog that didn't make me go UGH. I watched all her videos from Weigh-in 1 to Weigh-in 25. She started around the same time I did but with much less weight to loss. Again I didn't say UGH. I realize that our struggle is the same - unhealthy weight. No matter the number, we both have to lose. She was very encouraging. I didn't watch all 25 videos! But I watched enough and I hope that she reaches her goal and becomes a lifetime member.
One of my favorites is a lady who lost 213 pounds. Why do I like her? A few reasons. I am actually a about 75 pounds heavier than her when we both started. But when I look at her I see me. I actually showed someone the picture of her and they said that looks like you. When I saw the after picture of her, I said I can be that size. Another reason I like her is because she used Weight Watchers. It worked for her. It is working for me. I guess it all comes down to the fact that I can relate to her.
Kim, Nancy, Amy, whoever.... Laura -that's me. I cannot wait until the day that someone is writing about me. The day that my life relates to theirs.
I watched videos most of the day. Watching these made me realize I am not alone, I can do it, and how grateful that I should be for family and friends. I am going to make some comments today that may sound judgemental. It is not intended to be. It is more about evaluating my own situation and learning from it.
I had heard about this first lady and had seen her on TV. She was on ABC Morning Show with Diana Sawyer. She is truly an inspirational story. She has lost over 500 hundred pounds. She weighed over 700 lbs. She now weights 170. She has been on Oprah. It was an amazing thing. After a birthday present from her sister, her life changed. No it wasn't a personal trainer. It was a computer; something she could put her focus on besides food. She said she had not been out of the apartment for 12 years hold. I am so glad to have friends and family that would get me out of the house after a few days. I am so glad that at my biggest I was still active. For her it was not magic diet, it was changing her focus. Her story gives me courage. I know that if a 40 something year old lady who had to 500 pounds to drop can do it so can I!
Another lady was on the Joy Fit Club. She lost 240 pounds in 18 months. She could fit her whole body into one leg of her old jeans. It was so amazing how different she looked. I see me in her because she has struggled with weight loss for a long time...since childhood. What was so interesting about her was that she became so obsessed with dieting that she became anorexic. She had to learn to quit eating the bad things and to eat enough of the good things. She is healthy now- right where she needs to be. Her story reminds me that I have to know that this has to be a lifestyle change and not a diet.
I don't know how many times I have texted Diana during a WW meeting. Mostly when a skinny girl walks in. UGH! Seriously, I know that someones 20 extra pounds is as hard to lose as my 200 pounds I need to shed. NO fear! I did find a girl who has a YouTube vlog that didn't make me go UGH. I watched all her videos from Weigh-in 1 to Weigh-in 25. She started around the same time I did but with much less weight to loss. Again I didn't say UGH. I realize that our struggle is the same - unhealthy weight. No matter the number, we both have to lose. She was very encouraging. I didn't watch all 25 videos! But I watched enough and I hope that she reaches her goal and becomes a lifetime member.
One of my favorites is a lady who lost 213 pounds. Why do I like her? A few reasons. I am actually a about 75 pounds heavier than her when we both started. But when I look at her I see me. I actually showed someone the picture of her and they said that looks like you. When I saw the after picture of her, I said I can be that size. Another reason I like her is because she used Weight Watchers. It worked for her. It is working for me. I guess it all comes down to the fact that I can relate to her.
Kim, Nancy, Amy, whoever.... Laura -that's me. I cannot wait until the day that someone is writing about me. The day that my life relates to theirs.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Old things pass away...behold everything new
One more note...
It is so hard to say goodbye sometimes. It can be a struggle. I guess I just have to remember the good and say goodbye to the bad. And look forward to the new in the new year. Old things pass away behold everything new.
It is so hard to say goodbye sometimes. It can be a struggle. I guess I just have to remember the good and say goodbye to the bad. And look forward to the new in the new year. Old things pass away behold everything new.
New goals for a new year
Today is the last day of this year. What a year it has been. There has been some note worthy things to remember.
One of unbelievable things that happened this year was my little brother getting married. It was a shock. OK the shock was that he asked Kelly and set the date for two weeks later. Yes two weeks. I was upset at first. Not because they were getting married. I wanted them to. It was because he wanted to get married on the weekend that I had a trip planned. But was okay because I love them both. It was a beautiful ceremony.
Another unbelievable thing that happened was that I flew to DC to spend a week with Joe, Janie, and Eli. It was fabulous. I loved it. Several months ago I would have never even considered flying. I guess because I was afraid. Afraid of my size. Afraid of not fitting into a space. Afraid of many things that a normal sized person would not consider. Afraid. But the day I left I was so excited and not scared at all. At the time, I had lost about 70 or 80 pounds. I really think that Mother, Daniel, Jason were more afraid than I was. I cannot wait for April when I take my ANNUAL trip to see Janie, Joe, and Eli.
I had to edit my writing today because I forgot something that happened that was very important. I walked a 5K. It was fabulous. When Jennifer asked me to do it, I was not even hesitant. I mainly wanted to walk to bring honor to Steve. I know that he would have been proud of me. I also walked because I could walk. I knew that I could do it. I kinda questioned that I could do it when it hit the second mile BUT I had a fantastic cheer team that inspired me to go on.. We did it. 
We made it through the first, second, and third mile. We did not skip corners, blocks, or steps. We were not first or even in the middle. We were last. But next year we will be in the middle. We will finish. I will finish. One day we will run and finish!
Something else happened too. My life took an upward turn. I know I lost 100 pounds (duh) but that is just the physical change. I look back at the pictures and I don't remember that I even looked that way. I have had so many people say that to me. "I don't remember you looking like that." I was talking to a friend the other day. She said that I was just me. You know big, medium, or small...just me.
I sometimes worry about what I will look like and be like when I get to my goal. Sometimes I am afraid. What will I be like? I really hope that I am me, wonderful me, HA, just the best me that God designed me to be..inside and out.
I didn't make any resolutions for 2008 and I am not going to make any for 2009. I am going to make goals. My goal for 2009 is to lose an ADDITIONAL 100 pounds. I cannot wait. I look forward to a new year with a new goal. I look forward to new adventures and new things. I look forward to finding the new me in 2009.
One of unbelievable things that happened this year was my little brother getting married. It was a shock. OK the shock was that he asked Kelly and set the date for two weeks later. Yes two weeks. I was upset at first. Not because they were getting married. I wanted them to. It was because he wanted to get married on the weekend that I had a trip planned. But was okay because I love them both. It was a beautiful ceremony.
Another unbelievable thing that happened was that I flew to DC to spend a week with Joe, Janie, and Eli. It was fabulous. I loved it. Several months ago I would have never even considered flying. I guess because I was afraid. Afraid of my size. Afraid of not fitting into a space. Afraid of many things that a normal sized person would not consider. Afraid. But the day I left I was so excited and not scared at all. At the time, I had lost about 70 or 80 pounds. I really think that Mother, Daniel, Jason were more afraid than I was. I cannot wait for April when I take my ANNUAL trip to see Janie, Joe, and Eli.
I had to edit my writing today because I forgot something that happened that was very important. I walked a 5K. It was fabulous. When Jennifer asked me to do it, I was not even hesitant. I mainly wanted to walk to bring honor to Steve. I know that he would have been proud of me. I also walked because I could walk. I knew that I could do it. I kinda questioned that I could do it when it hit the second mile BUT I had a fantastic cheer team that inspired me to go on.. We did it. 
We made it through the first, second, and third mile. We did not skip corners, blocks, or steps. We were not first or even in the middle. We were last. But next year we will be in the middle. We will finish. I will finish. One day we will run and finish!Something else happened too. My life took an upward turn. I know I lost 100 pounds (duh) but that is just the physical change. I look back at the pictures and I don't remember that I even looked that way. I have had so many people say that to me. "I don't remember you looking like that." I was talking to a friend the other day. She said that I was just me. You know big, medium, or small...just me.
I sometimes worry about what I will look like and be like when I get to my goal. Sometimes I am afraid. What will I be like? I really hope that I am me, wonderful me, HA, just the best me that God designed me to be..inside and out.
I didn't make any resolutions for 2008 and I am not going to make any for 2009. I am going to make goals. My goal for 2009 is to lose an ADDITIONAL 100 pounds. I cannot wait. I look forward to a new year with a new goal. I look forward to new adventures and new things. I look forward to finding the new me in 2009.
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