It's been a day and a half....

It's been a day and a half....ok it's really been more like forever since I blogged. But it has been a day and a half since I decided to start again.   You know getting healthy.  Getting back on track. Dieting.  Changing my lifestyle.  I want to be skinny. We all know the lingo.  We know the talk.  How you say it really don't matter ... the struggles are  real.  

Oh the struggles.  How many times can I start again? Start on Monday, cheat by Tuesday, wait for another Monday. Oh it's Monday.  I need to get to the grocery store.  I need to drink water. I need to weigh. I need to get to the gym.  It's Tuesday...I'm overwhelmed.  Monday again...I really don't feel like starting this week. I'll wait until next Monday.....oh the struggle. 


Yesterday was Monday.  I started again.  I did ok. Better than last Monday.  This Monday I started to the gym again. That was to say  the least was...AWFUL.  I finally made it after school.  Way after school.  I did everything I could first but I knew I had to go.  I had to start. The worse part? Trying to get my shoes on in the bathroom.  Trying to get my shoes and socks on in the bathroom was a much exercise as walking on the treadmill.   I need room to get ready and more than a little stool to sit on.  I finally got them on and I was out of breath.  I made it to the treadmill.  I couldn't get the headphones to work. I tried and tried.  Finally they worked. YES!  I started walking slowly but walking...then they stopped. I had to have sound to hear what Dr. Oz had to say.  Oops..if you hit the red button that says stop.. the treadmill WILL stop and so will you.  That was almost a tragedy.  Time to change treadmills.  Moved to the next one. Sound - check.  Time set - check.  Weight - Check.  Age - Check.  Here I go... 2 and 1/2 minutes in. My feet hurt. I can't breath.  I sound like I a herd of elephants stomping through a forest.  I think I might need to stop.  Oh stopping would be easy.  But I faintly hear that voice. "Don't give up."  That voice that I use to know.  The one that never gave up or gave in and pushed through all the struggles to be healthy, skinny. and fit.  The hard headed woman that could not be told she couldn't do it.  Oh she is there.  Just buried deep inside for a bit.  She's coming back.  I heard that voice saying FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.  Slowly but surely I made it through.  I walked 20 total minutes.  I didn't give up.  

Today is Tuesday...I haven't cheated, I haven't given up, and I'm going back to the gym all the while hearing 
FIGHT
FIGHT. 
FIGHT

                                                                   

How I feel on the inside!

What I look like after exercise!