Tuesday, January 10, 2012

In this corner.....

My goal this week was to blog every day but I didn't because I got home late last night. Yes I watched THE game. The one everyone is talking about.

As I once again sit at the table, I don't know what to blog. I feel like I talk about the same things all the time. The fight. The weight loss. The fight. The sickness. But of course my mind is always thinking and going. And once again my mind has been every where. Thinking about the weight, the diet, the past, the future, life, friends, family, the people in my life, the people out..........my mind is constantly moving.


I really have negative thoughts. I really don't share that a lot or I try not to. I really don't want to be a negative person. I use to be a positive person at my highest weight. The big girl who made everyone laugh and smile. I honestly am not who I use to be and I don't like it. yeah...i said that before.

TO be completely honest....I really believe that I will always be a fat girl. That the fight is now over and the fat girl beat the skinny girl. I don't know how to fight it. I do good for a week. Eating right and exercising. Working to be healthy. Doing the right things just like I did before. Then this voice begins to rise up in my head....you are fat. You cannot do this. You like food. You will always be fat. Even with all the support I get....the negative thoughts are still there. Because see this battle is mine. I can have family support and friends encouragement but its all up to me. I have to make the right choices and right decisions.

I fight a never ending battle.

I am very close to resigning to the fact that I am going to be a fat girl....always. :(

1 comment:

Tracy Caskey said...

Never resign yourself to anything if it is not something you want. Resigning yourself to be something you don't want is the easy way out, yes, but much harder in the long run. Even if you never reach your ultimate goal, never quit reaching for it! You never know what amazing place you will end up along the way! If you stop reaching, you will stop desiring, and when you stop desiring, you stop dreaming, and imagining, and Laure Lea will be a very boring person. :-( You CAN do it! I am praying for you, for strength in your journey, for courage to reach for your dreams, and the determination to make them happen. :)